How I Raise Boys

(Click on this picture to see where you can buy the armor)

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I had a girl first. I thought I was so smart way back then. She was perfect and I figured that perfection had come from my parenting skills... right? Then I had a boy and he quickly proved me wrong. With him it seemed that nothing I did was right. He liked to eat books as a small baby, and loved to break anything he could get his hands on, and for some reason he thought that garbage and toilet paper from the toilet tasted better than cheerios. And forget vegetables, as far as he was concerned it was the vegetables that belonged in the garbage. Then came boy #2, and boy #2 felt that he needed to out-boy boy#1. So, boy #2 took it upon himself to try and die in a new and gruesome way everyday. He created messes the likes which only Katrina can top. And once these two boys were old enough to play together I quickly learned that choking and kicking each other in the throat was the way that they were going to decide who got to sit in which chair, or who got to turn on the TV first.

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My first conclusion upon learning all this was that I am an awful parent. I cried a lot, I went a little crazy, and then I decided to throw out all my original ideas about parenting (you know, the ones about being publicly acceptable, owning unbroken jewelry, and talking in a normal voice) and just try to love these new creatures that I had been given. Letting go of preconceived notions was the best thing I ever did, I only wish I had done it earlier, it would have saved some of my sanity I think. I also learned to embrace and love all things boy. Now I have always been a sort of Tom-boy and already loved dirt, worms, and catching bugs. I had even raised my daughter to love these things. No, I'm talking about REALLY loving pirates, swords, knights, sports, physical contact, and pain. But the best thing I ever did with my boys was getting them excited about knights.

First I let them play *GASP* a computer/video game called Age of Empires with their daddy. I bought them lots of swords and staged many family sword fights with them. We practiced hand to hand combat and perfected our playing dead skills together. We read books about knights, we watched movies about knights, we had knight themed parties, we bought plastic armor, etc. (mind you we were also doing many other things, but I was taking this knight stuff seriously).

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Now, why did I work so hard to get my boys to love knights? Because along with the fun, I was able to teach them about manners, how to play without hurting, and that obeying rules is heroic. My boys learned that the privilege of owning swords is earned by using the sword with discipline. Just ask them about the rules and they will say:

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1. Swords only touch swords

2. We only fight with people who want to fight

3. If someone isn't having fun we stop

4. If the sword touches a person it gets taken away

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And then sit back and watch them go at it. Because they have to be mindful of each other they have learned to carefully choreograph their fighting and it actually has made it more fun for them. And boy do they get upset when other kids don't follow these rules!

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I taught my boys that all knights have to protect a Queen, and that I (until they are married) am their Queen. Knights bring flowers, give kisses, open the door, and are very gentle with their Queen (this was especially important for boy#2 to learn because he is abnormally strong and would often hurt me). This has also come in very handy with this pregnancy because I am often rendered incapable of bending over due to pain. They are the first to run and pick up things that I need. And I am a good Queen and reward my knights with smiles and kisses and they love it! I teach them that all women are princesses and to be treated with good manners (though they often need reminding of what those good manners entail).

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Are my boys perfect now? Well, what do you mean by perfect? Their faces, and feet are often dirty, their room is often a mess, they still fight dirty on occasion, and the Queen still has to reprimand them on an almost daily basis. But, they are kind to me, they do not yell at me (though they find subtle ways to let me know how they feel), they play well with each other 90% of the time, and they really have a desire to do what is right. And as far as I'm concerned that is just about as perfect as it gets.

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What unique tricks have you learned for raising difficult children?