Thursday, April 3, 2008

Rules To Live By

How to be a successful mother (according to me):

1. Decorate your home with large, beautiful baskets so that when unexpected company comes over you can quickly stash and hide all the toys, junk, piles, socks, etc.
2. Keep cookie dough in your freezer AT ALL TIMES.
3. Don't EVER allow your husband to buy you a wonderfully thick, nice, fluffy bathrobe. Who wants to wear clothes when you can wear a cloud all day?
4. Make code names for all your children so that you can talk about them without them getting embarrassed (and change the code names often).
5. Don't let your children listen to any radio station other than the one you love. They will think you are all knowing because you know all the words to every song that comes on.
6. Never run out of cold cereal. Children can survive the momentary loss of a mother (think books, movies, phone conversations, and the random sporadic nap) if there is cold cereal in the house.
7. Puke bowls and towels. Know how to use them. If you can have fire drills you can have puke drills.
8. Keep wet wipes on hand at all times and in all places till the day you die.

9. Never compare yourself to other mothers unless you know you will win.

10. Accept that children will make guns out of innocent blocks and their own fingers. Don't try to fight it, just get really good at playing dead.

16 comments:

just jamie said...

You are a genius.

Magirk said...

Brilliant! :D

Excellent rules.

Amy Y said...

I agree ~ great rules :)

An Ordinary Mom said...

Maybe I will come over and partake of some cookie dough with you :) !! Or is it Cookie Dough Ice Cream you speak of?

Cocoa said...

Sage advice, oh wise one!


Whew! So glad I just reread that. I misspelled wise, you know the d is next to the s on the keyboard. :D

LAHansen said...

So, so fun...I'm going to have to print this, frame it and stick it next to my bed for my reminder :)

Traci said...

The puke drill? Brilliant.

And the guns thing. So true. I love, "Just get really good at playing dead." That's perfect!

Child Life said...

Love it! ; ) I need to go find me some giant baskets...

Michal said...

considering that i have two pukers today, one who kept me up most of the night, i wish that i'd run some puke drills. i finally moved into his bedroom and slept near enough to him that i could push a bowl in front of him while i was still half asleep and catch what was coming up. i'd have a lot less laundry to do today if we'd run those drills.

you are so very wise!:)

mom huebert said...

Yes, Yes! Puke bowls are a life saver. Well, a laundry and carpet saver, for sure. Plus, when you feel like puking already, who wants to lean over the toilet?

Anonymous said...

I can't remember where I found your site but I think it is so funny!

Thanks for sharing your stories.

Sea Star said...

Great List! Totally agree with all. We are big cereal eaters around these parts.

Caffienated Cowgirl said...

I am laughing at #10...it's so true.

Tirzah said...

Great list! I need to invest in some lovely baskets for my living room!!

My son even made a sword out of a piece of yarn! It was hilarious!

CC said...

Fabulous rules!

Jeanette said...

Love it! Especailly #2 and #6. All my super skinny, won't eat anything son will eat is cold cereal.
and #8-Wipes, what lifesavers! :-)