Monday, May 5, 2008

I Miss My Ankles. A Whiney Post.


Some people's hearts swell with love. Some people are just swell people. Me, I swell with water retention. Here I have been whining about the lack of sunshine, the cold, wet weather, and the sorry excuse for a Spring that we've been having like a big baby. Yesterday we had a gloriously warm, sunshiny day. I was so happy I wanted to dance. I wanted to go on a picnic, drive to the beach, pick flowers and put them in my hair, and get the first sunburn of the year. I ran to the closet to slip my feet into my, until now, sadly underused sandals. But my feet wouldn't go in. I figured they must just be tight from non use, you know, like a pair of freshly dried jeans from the laundry. I tried harder, but it was a no go. In frustration I leaned over my big belly to try to see what was wrong, and then I saw them. My feet! Or were they water balloons? I couldn't tell. And what is with those ankles? Since when did my ankles have the same girth as my thighs? I wanted to grab a pin and pop them like water balloons. I wanted to hide in the closet till the baby is born. I wanted to go out and buy myself many floor length skirts to hide the monstrosities that were now my feet. I wanted to cry. I always swell up during the last months of pregnancy, but it never ceases to catch me off guard. How can a body look like that just all of a sudden? I had normal ankles the day before, and after just three hours of sitting in church each ankle seemed to have gained 20 pounds.

On the bright side I was able to witness the lovely results of patiently training/coaching a husband for the past ten years. I ran into his office and, sticking out my pachydermal protrusions, shrieked, "Just look at these! These aren't feet, they are mutant marshmallows!"

He looked, and without batting an eyelid was able to say, "What? I don't see anything but your lovely feet."

I, of course, had to point out every bulging vein, every discoloration, and the fact that I couldn't wrap two hands around my ankle (that is if I had been able to bend over that far). Still, he stayed strong. He pulled me onto his lap (managing not to grunt) and told me how lovely I am, how this will all go away soon, and how I will pop this baby out and immediately return to my super model body shape, and how I'm the most amazing woman he has ever known.

Yup, it may have taken me 10 years but I think I've finally taught my man exactly how I like to be lied to. =)

21 comments:

Packer Family said...

lol! When I was pregers with my first I couldn't fit into my church shoes so I told nate I wasn't going to church and just cried. When I got pregers again I bought a pair of church shoe with a little room and wore them during that "swell" time.

Richelle said...

Oh, what a great hubby! :)

CC said...

You go girl! Good training!!!!! He's obviously in it for the marathon now!

cellista said...

Here's a great thought I heard recently: The scriptures say, "And it came to pass...not "it came to stay!" May you find your ankles soon and boy, do you have your hubby trained well!!

:)

Jeanette said...

With my first baby I swelled so much and could not get my feet into anything except my hubby's big sneakers and even then I had to totally loosen the laces. I prepared by buying flip flops for baby #2. I hardly swelled at all with her. Until she was born and then all the sudden my feet turned into balloons that did not deflate for almost a month! So the flip flops came in handy after all.

Mrs. Annie said...

YOU have trained him well!

Amy Y said...

Good job, hubby!

I feel your pain, Mama. I'll be there too, in a few months. I do not look forward to that day... Thankfully Old Navy has super cheap flip flops ~ buy some in a bigger size and let those toes out! :)

Leslie said...

"Pachydermal protrusions" - I could have died laughing. Seriously Ice Cream...you are just too funny! I love it!

And...what a sweet husband. If that didn't just make your heart melt...

just jamie said...

I'm all about what leslie said above. Still cracking up, and feeling fond of your well-trained husband.

Amber M. said...

What a sweet guy! On the other hand, I say it's the least he can do for getting you into the situation in the first place:-)

Misty said...

Oh Lizzy, Lizzy, Lizzy. I am so sorry. Really I am, because I feel your pain. I, too, am a water-sweller. I swell with water in a way that makes my toes look like sausages, and my feet groan for mercy because they can only fit in SLIPPERS. And... really.... why is it that I want so badly to be pregnant again?

Jana said...

Clearly I am not as good about commenting your blog as you are on mine. I just wanted to know that I read your blog all of the time as well. You have a great perspective on life. Wish we lived closer. I know we'd be good friends. Either that, or we would hate each other. It's a fine line.

Jana
www.themeanestmom.blogspot.com

Wild Squirrel said...

Just yesterday DH told a friend of ours who is due in 5 weeks that he didn't think she could possibly make it (with a friend like that, who needs enemies???). He went on to tell her that she looked like she had a basketball under her shirt. At this point he stopped himself, but how horrifying that I wasn't there to give him THE LOOK. Poor thing. I thought I taught him better than that!

By the way, I am enjoying your blog!

Prudy said...

Oh-the picture is just too good! You are hilarious! Church-it's always at church-when you're sitting there with time to think that you take a look and contemplate those sweeling ankles. Hang in there!

Caffienated Cowgirl said...

LOL! Mine were huge during the last couple months of pregnancy. I came to the point that I wouldn't wear anything that would show my cankles...thank goodness it was winter :)

An Ordinary Mom said...

I love how you still find the silver lining in all your trials :) !! You definitely have trained your husband well. I hope these last few weeks of pregnancy treat you well.

Lei said...

Oh I can just feel it now! My ankles were the worst with my 4th pregnancy and they jiggled when I walked! *shudder* You have my total and complete sympathy.

Michal said...

he's a keeper for sure. here's hoping your ankles are back to their super-model slimness soon.:)

Becks said...

This is so cute. Thanks for the good chuckle. :)

Sherri said...

You are a funny girl. I'm commenting after you posted your spider story. I swell up in the mid-section, not so much the feet. :)

Cheri said...

Keep him.