Some people's hearts swell with love. Some people are just swell people. Me, I swell with water retention. Here I have been whining about the lack of sunshine, the cold, wet weather, and the sorry excuse for a Spring that we've been having like a big baby. Yesterday we had a gloriously warm, sunshiny day. I was so happy I wanted to dance. I wanted to go on a picnic, drive to the beach, pick flowers and put them in my hair, and get the first sunburn of the year. I ran to the closet to slip my feet into my, until now, sadly underused sandals. But my feet wouldn't go in. I figured they must just be tight from non use, you know, like a pair of freshly dried jeans from the laundry. I tried harder, but it was a no go. In frustration I leaned over my big belly to try to see what was wrong, and then I saw them. My feet! Or were they water balloons? I couldn't tell. And what is with those ankles? Since when did my ankles have the same girth as my thighs? I wanted to grab a pin and pop them like water balloons. I wanted to hide in the closet till the baby is born. I wanted to go out and buy myself many floor length skirts to hide the monstrosities that were now my feet. I wanted to cry. I always swell up during the last months of pregnancy, but it never ceases to catch me off guard. How can a body look like that just all of a sudden? I had normal ankles the day before, and after just three hours of sitting in church each ankle seemed to have gained 20 pounds.
On the bright side I was able to witness the lovely results of patiently training/coaching a husband for the past ten years. I ran into his office and, sticking out my pachydermal protrusions, shrieked, "Just look at these! These aren't feet, they are mutant marshmallows!"
He looked, and without batting an eyelid was able to say, "What? I don't see anything but your lovely feet."
I, of course, had to point out every bulging vein, every discoloration, and the fact that I couldn't wrap two hands around my ankle (that is if I had been able to bend over that far). Still, he stayed strong. He pulled me onto his lap (managing not to grunt) and told me how lovely I am, how this will all go away soon, and how I will pop this baby out and immediately return to my super model body shape, and how I'm the most amazing woman he has ever known.
Yup, it may have taken me 10 years but I think I've finally taught my man exactly how I like to be lied to. =)