Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Wonder Women

Zoom! Pow! Crash! Zing!

Faster than a speeding bullet, using her sonic-boom voice, zapping everyone with her laser beam eyes, Wonder Woman is on the scene. She grabs one villain by the straps of his overalls, lifting him into the air with one hand, while at the same time extending her stiletto heeled boot to prevent another from running past her. Then she goes in for the kill, lassoing the leader with her rope of truth and asks, "What the heck is going on down here? I asked you guys to watch Dora just one more time with your sister so I could take a shower. Is that too much to ask? How am I supposed to fight crime and save the world today if I can't even take a little shower? Now, put the Dora DVD back in the machine and stop all this fighting!"

Super heroes are made every day by radioactive slime, the bite of a bug, random mutation, ancient/alien lineage, the possession of a powerful artifact, or by the very natural melding of genetic materials in a body which creates new life. Some scientists theorize that the combining, splitting, and specializing of atoms that happens in a woman's womb during gestation must 'cause the abnormalities or, as some like to call them, "gifts" that often manifest in the human female species after giving birth. Specialized hearing, "voice of death," rearward visual capabilities, lie detection sensory, and an uncanny ability to stop tears of others are just a handful of known post-natal abilities that we have on record.

At first governments were concerned that such unique abilities might pose a threat to regular civilians. Talks were being held to argue the need for contraceptives and sterilization methods to prevent the rampant spread of these phenomena. These measures were deemed unnecessary upon further study of the situation. It soon became obvious that these super humans came with their own set backs, a natural Kryptonite, if you will. It was found that, along with the super powers, these women also developed super inhibitors such as morbid paranoia: a fear of fatal catastrophes harming their loved ones at all times, hyperbolated guilt: an unfounded belief that self satisfaction can only be had at the cost of vital comfort to their loved ones, and bad body image: a feeling that they could never go out in public wearing the skin tight spandex that all super hero costumes are made of causing them to wear sweat pants which aren't conducive to flying or telepathic travel.

Despite these hold backs, Wonder Women everywhere continue to amaze and astound their children and husbands on a daily basis with their amazing feats of knowing it all and being able to fix almost anything.

Wonder Women, where ever you are, what ever you are doing, we salute you!

This is my last minute, bounce baby on my knee, as I type one handed entry into Scribbit's WriteAway contest. The theme is Wonder Woman. =)

20 comments:

Scribbit said...

Breezing through to say thanks for the entry! You ARE amazing to have this and still be posting with all that's happening with you!

Amber M. said...

AMAZING!

My vote is for you...NOW can I hold your baby? Please?

Richelle said...

That is awesome. You are hilarious!

Annie said...

I love it!

Leslie said...

Love it! Great writing.

elena jane said...

i'd vote for ya too!! well said :)

CC said...

Thank you. Thank you very much.

oh, wait. That wasn't about me, was it?

FallFleur said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
FallFleur said...

I love it! Funny Funny Funny
I'd been thinking about that Write Away contest. I'm glad you entered.

If Wonder Woman is really out there I'm sure she's eating ice cream and writing a diary.

Nicely Done

Lynell said...

I love it! So entertaining and fun to read. You truly are a Wonder Woman.

Tirzah said...

You're awesome!

Michal said...

i love it. i was laughing out loud. nice going.

Rachel said...

I love your description of our superpowers and our Kryptonite.

Where does all that creativity come from??? I don't have energy to think that long anymore - sure glad I have your blog to make me laugh!

Jen said...

I loved the Incredibles when it came out because I loved the way Mrs. Incredible was portrayed. I got pretty good at typing 1 handed when T was little.

Misty said...

Loooovvveee it.

Write a book already.

MERRIANNE said...

Wow!! That was Grreat!

WomensDaily said...

Fabulous! I love it.

Childlife said...

Love it Liz! Thanks for putting a giggle in my evening :D

just jamie said...

Hey, you're really good at this game. Bravo to you (and all the Wonder Women out there).

MoziEsmé said...

I LOVE the metaphors!