Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Dear World

Dear World,

To all those who might see my children today:
Yes, I know it looks white-trash to send my kids to school with their lunch in large plastic grocery bags. Please know that I have purchased them several very cute and socially acceptable lunch bags throughout the year and I am refusing to buy anymore for them for the next month, hoping they will find their old ones.

Yes, my son is wearing the same pair of pants for 3 days in a row now. It isn't that we don't own pants, it is that he decided to wad all his dirty pants into a ball and shove them in the corner of his closet while I meticulously caught up on everyone else's laundry. I sent him to school in his 3rd day in a row pants because they didn't smell as bad as the closet pants and I have a full load of size 8 boy pants twirling in my dryer as I type this.

Yes, I am fully aware that my daughter is wearing a very large, not so nice looking men's black hoody with a broken zipper. Please know that she owns 2 very nice coats, a purple down coat and a pink woolen one. But I wore a beat up army jacket to school despite my mother's chagrin so I'm considering this fair payback.

Yes, Pablo's teacher, it does look like I'm too poor to pack a decent sized lunch for my son. No, I'm not too poor, and no I'm not trying to starve him. I have learned that my son does not like to eat at school because you have a silly rule that after they are done eating they can go outside for recess. In my son's head this translates to, "the less I eat the more time I get to play." To avoid the wasted food I have taken to packing him a small lunch that he is required by me to eat and then I have him eat more when he gets home.

Yes, landlord, I was in my bathrobe and my living room was messy when you decided to knock on my door unannounced at 10:30am yesterday. Please know that I was up the entire night with a boy who was puking out of control and was so busy washing blankets and towels, getting my kids off to school, stopping fights between my stay at home kids, and feeding, changing, diapering a baby that I had yet to even look in a mirror. If you wouldn't mind calling just 15 minutes before coming over, to talk about the mold problem you still haven't fixed (it's only been 2 years, but I'm not counting), I would be able to make myself more presentable.

Now, dear world, if you don't mind, I'm going to go eat some leftover Chinese food for breakfast and I'd appreciate it if you'd just look the other way and pretend I am eating the V8 and grapefruit I have sitting on my counter. Thank you so much.

Yours truly
PMS

25 comments:

Poppy said...

I love it! It makes me feel not so alone with my "alley children" as my mom used to call us! Perfection is way over rated anyway, in my opinion...where's the fun in being perfect? What would we have to look forward to?

Tricia said...

I'll pretend your chinese food is grapefruit and V8 if you promise my Dr Pepper is a diet one and not a regular one because I am having a hell day.. btw... blog contest on my blog. .come visit.. i got a really neat prize!! ;o)~

Erin said...

Wow, what a day! Kids wear what they want to wear. And eat what they want to eat. I guess we just have to humor them.

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Thank you for having days like this. Really.

mom huebert said...

Either you express yourself well or I am a good imaginer because even though none of these exact things have happened to me, I know EXACTLY what you mean. So while I'm shaking my head in amusement and sympathy I'm wishing I could hug you and hand you a chocolate bar. Oh wait-- No, a BIG dish of ice cream!

Stephanie said...

I tell my kids they look like they just crawled out of a dumpster and they just smile and say, "Really?" as though that were the look they were trying to achieve.
BTW, if you ever need to send your kids away for a couple of hours, I'm just up the street. I can pick them up.

Becky said...

Grace to you, my dear! Don't forget to eat some ice cream as your breakfast dessert.

Chocolate on my Cranium said...

My mother has to call and remind us to make the house look presentable so that people don't think "Yup, Mexicans live here." Pretty bad. Glad I'm not alone! :D

Rachel said...

Too funny! Thanks for making me feel normal! I think all of us have days/weeks like this, right?!

Michemily said...

I was going to say that I really liked your post but I can't get over the comment about the Mexicans. Ouch! People! Some day we will wonder at the racism against Mexicans the way we now wonder at racism against blacks.

My Ice Cream Diary said...

Michemily,
I think Chocolate can get away with it because of her personal lineage. Kind of like how I can say white-trash because I'm white. =)

Packer Family said...

WOW!!!!

Michal said...

i saw that stephanie thanked you for having days like this. i can't say that i'm glad you have them, just that you tell us about them so that we all can commiserate and think of one another on THOSE DAYS.

that laundry one drives me crazy. as if that were a far drive. my kids pull that all the time, especially with sunday socks.

Sea Star said...

I often have to tell my kids they can't leave the house "that way" because then everyone will think they are ragamuffins and don't have a mom to take care of them. They don't seem to care.

Great post! Very true and real!

Thanks for sharing. Just know you aren't alone!

Hope said...

Chinese Food for Breakfast. Then Chocolate Ice Cream for Lunch, and maybe a take-put Pizza for Dinner, because you are too tired to make dinner and because you want it! You know, anything you eat and drink while we have PMS is fat and calorie free? Or, when I feel this way, I just don't care. Hugs!

Tirzah said...

Yes! This is an awesome post! So true! And I love Chinese food for breakfast!

Sherilyn -The Dominee Huisvrouw said...

Wait, your not a perfect mother? You just burst the bubble I had put you in!

Thanks for stopping by the other day!

Becky said...

I love you!!

Cynthia said...

You are not alone... :-)

I love pulling dirty clothes out from under my kids' beds just when I thought I was making progress with the laundry!

Sonja said...

forgiven.

LaDonnaMobile said...

Dear World,

See what she said? Goes for me, too!

An Ordinary Mom said...

Thank you, thank you for having thoughts and days like this!

We know you aren't "PWT" (poor white trash as my brother so bluntly puts it) ... and what is up with the kids lunch rule? My daughter barely eats anything at school, too!

Where is your Chinese food from ...or your V8 rather? Snappy Dragon? I still need to try that place.

32 Flavors said...

Sounds like you need to self-medicate with some ice cream asap!

dotmother said...

Ah, the joys of motherhood. I could tell you stories to melt the brain - but those were my days and why heap them onto your days. Let's just say that your writings bring back many many memories - and I'm glad they are that now - memories.

Rochelle said...

Mine put their clean laundry into the dirty basket, so that I can re-wash them and they don't have to put them away. I've taken to telling people that the socks come out of the laundry folded. Honestly, you have such a way with telling a story. You remind me of Erma Bombeck in that. Ever thought of trying to get published? I'd buy it.