The Sunday Nap

A typical day at church for the Ice Cream family:

(Pablo takes advantage of the quiet to draw without disturbances)

I've had several people ask me for advice on how to keep kids quiet at church. I've tried many things through the years, cheerios, hand puppets, coloring books, magnet sets, etc. I think I've finally stumbled on the perfect reverence solution. Let your kids stay up till Midnight watching cartoons and then wake them up at 6am Sunday morning. The only downfall to this is if you have a loud snorer. Cheeks snores louder than a rumbling volcano. And he drools.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Great Literature Part I

My shelves are stacked with Dr. Seuss, Sesame Street Library, Childcraft Encyclopedias, ScoobyDoo and Spongebob, easy readers, chapter books, and many many other books for children. I love them all. Lately, though, I have been trying to focus on great literature for kids. I know that anything that gets a kid to read is great (hence my ScoobyDoo books). Pablo's first love of reading came by way of Garfield and Calvin and Hobbs (which I personally consider great comic book literature. If you don't believe me just go read some and check out the vocabulary that Calvin has). However, after the love of reading is established I think the next step is developing a love of great literature. Many people disagree on what makes great literature, and that is fine, so please do not think that the way I think is the way you should think.

~ To me, great literature uses words for their sound and beauty rather than for their ease of understanding. This teaches vocabulary, and in a roundabout way teaches root words or use of Latin in our language, which in turn makes language, and foreign languages, as a whole more interesting and accessible to the mind. Every word needs not be defined when reading to a child. If they ask then you can explain the word, but most children will learn by context much as they do spoken language, simply by hearing the word used often over time.
~ To me, great literature poses real life choices that are difficult to make. Great literature will show real life consequences, good or bad, for the decisions made. Great literature also portrays real life values of forgiveness, justice, mercy, love, faith, hope, integrity, friendship, joy, humor, etc.
~To me, great literature will take you out of your small sphere of experience without taking you out of real life. It should be an adventure but an adventure that is possible for the reader as well.

Now, lest any of you should frown on my all too restrictive requirements, let me state that great literature is not the only kind or literature I feel is worth reading. I believe that myths and legends are important for teaching about ancient culture, ancient religion, and for opening the imagination. Fantasy,mystery, romance, and thrillers are fun for escaping from reality, though I firmly believe they should be used in moderation. Plays are important reading for building up the visualization abilities of a reader. Poetry should be read for literary rhythm and memorization.

I love any and all forms of the written word, but I worry about the lack of great literature being used in these modern times. Long ago the Odyssey was read as a great adventure story. Now it causes most people's brains to hurt (including mine) to try and read it because our brains are not used to archaic words and wording. Shakespeare is rarely enjoyed to it's fullest because people are not practiced in the art of nuance and wordplay. And many consider great literature to be boring when no one is kissing, being blown up, or falling into a magical realm because we have lost our taste for subtlety. Others dislike any story with real life situations because they are too sad, which can only make me wonder if the distaste for reality has any correlation to the increase in depression we find in our society these days. We often look for semblance between the books we most love and our real life. Is it any wonder that people are dissatisfied to find that there husband isn't a prince, that no vampire will whisk them away from dirty diapers and kitchen, that no wizard will come and save you from your wretched family life, and that your new job is not going to lead you to overthrow a major government conspiracy?

This is why I feel it necessary to raise my children with a love of great literature. But how? With movies, computers, comic books, and Harry Potter to compete with, how do I dare hope to get my children to love great literature? And how can I accomplish it with my lack of energy, my kids being in public school and "done with learning" by the time they get home, and without feeling like I am forcing them or fighting them (heaven's knows I need my fighting energy for other things), and all while still having time to eat ice cream and watch my old movies?

Thus begins my great experiment. Stay tuned for part deux.

Homeschooling and Socialization

If you are not a homeschooler, what is the one concern you hear most about homeschooling?

If you are a homeschooler, what is the one question you get most often from people who are concerned about your choice to homeschool?



If you said, or thought, the word "socialization" then give yourself 10 points for being up to date on current issues. I have a lot of opinions, facts, statistics, arguments, pet peeves, and very funny stories about this subject, but today I want to try and address some real concerns about the ominous word, "socialization." I want to point out that while many homeschoolers prefer the kind of socialization they can provide their children through homeschooling the decision to homeschool is often made for other reasons. You can't just ask a homeschooler, "Yes, but what about socialization?" and expect a simple answer. For starters, what are you actually asking? "What about socialization?" can mean lots of things to different people, like:


Won't your kids be weird?
How are your children going to get street smart?
Don't you want your children to have friends?
Aren't you being over protective and sheltering them from real life?
Won't they miss out on all the fun activities that school has to offer?
Don't you think you have a responsibility to let your children be out in the world to help and to influence other children for good?


So, before you ask a homeschooler that all too common question, pause a minute and think about what it is you really want to know. It will make it so much easier for the person you are asking to give you the answer you need to hear.

Should you worry about socialization for your children if you choose to homeschool? It depends on how you plan to homeschool. If you plan to keep your children at home every day and all day long, and they have only you as a teacher for EVERYTHING, and there aren't any kids in your neighborhood, and you don't go to a church that has lots of children, and you never have visitors, then yes, you should worry a lot about your children not getting the socialization they need.

Some homeschoolers do homeschool this way. Most homeschoolers, however, have their kids in classes like sports, art, dance, foreign language, music, nature clubs, geography clubs, etc. where they have different adults teaching them and have to function in a large group of children on a consistent basis. Most homeschoolers have play dates. They take their kids to public parks where their children meet and play with public schooled kids (and where their children often have to deal with mean kids, bad words, and other public school recess situations). Many homeschoolers are religious and so they attend church where their children take active part in lessons and activities with other children.

What kind of socialization do you want your child to get? There are many different kinds of socialization available in this world and as parents we are often picking and choosing what kinds we will have our children learn. Some parents choose not to allow television or certain movies in the home, others choose to live in certain neighborhoods, or choose a particular religion to raise their children in, and still others choose to keep their children away from certain family members. These, and so many other choices we make for our children, are based on the kind of socialization we want our children to have. Is it any wonder then, that there are parents who choose to avoid the socialization they see being taught in their particular schools? I am lucky to live in an area where parents get to choose which public school to put their children in despite school boundaries and there are many parents who are willing to drive many miles in order to get their children to the school with the academic social structure they like best. Personally I think there is a lot to be said for having "street smarts" and I believe that public school is a great place to develop those skills, but it is most certainly not the only place. Public school is also a wonderful place to expose your children to different cultures and ethnic groups, but again, it is not the only place to get such exposure.

What can I do to ensure that my children get "socialization" if I choose to homeschool? Well, after deciding what kind of socialization you want your child to receive, you go out and get it. It is very important to me that my children be understanding and accepting of other ethnic groups, religions, and cultures. To do this I have had to copy the actions of Benjamin Franklin's parents. Franklin's father thought it was more important for his son to stay home and help run the family business than to go to school. But, to meet the demands of his wife and the needs of his son he made a conscious effort to have people into his home who could educate his son. If he met a seafaring man, a politician, a skilled craftsman or anyone who could teach his son more about the world he would invite them over for dinner so that his son could benefit from the stories of their life. Following suit we make an effort to invite in our homes people who can share experiences with us that we would not normally find in our particular social set up. We have had to go way out of our comfort zone to do this but I can promise you that my children are not the only ones who benefit from this. You can do things like this, and many other things, to ensure that your children get the socialization you feel is important for their growth.

Will my children seem, or be considered "weird" to other people if I homeschool them? If you stop grooming them and stop expecting them to use their manners then yes, they will probably seem weird to others. Seriously though, people might think your decision to homeschool is interesting, and a few will treat you as if you are weird but that is only if you tell everyone you meet that you are a homeschooler. You don't have to broadcast it to the world. I've even heard of homeschoolers who, when asked why their kids aren't in school, tell people that their kids go to a private school that runs on a different schedule (many homeschoolers even create names for their "private school"). On the whole, your family will only be as weird as you let them be. In the 8 years that I've been homeschooling I've only had 3 people guess that I am a homeschooler and that had to do with having a lot of kids with me during school hours and nothing else. Also in my 8 years I have only had 4 people treat me like a leper for being a homeschooler and they taught me not to "cast my pearls before swine" or not to broadcast our choice to everyone we meet. I also made sure to teach my children how to answer questions about their schooling in a way that prevents them from getting mean reactions (a skill I wish my mom had given me when I was homeschooled). For instance, I make sure they know what grade they are supposed to be in, I've taught them not to say that they don't go to school, to use the phrase "field trip" often, and to simply say, "I like it" to anyone who gives them grief.

Why is homeschooling good for socialization? Besides the fact that you get to customize it to your individual family you also have access to areas that you might not have time for or the ability to get if you didn't have the time freedoms of homeschooling (though I know many families who public school who go the extra mile to get these experiences for their children). These include but are not limited to:

-Allowing children to socialize and interact outside of age parameters. No one in homeschool is too embarrassed to be seen playing with a kid from a younger grade or talking with a teacher about an academic interest (and really, outside of school, when will your child ever be in such an age restricted set up again?).

-Spending adequate time immersing oneself in other cultures or languages to get a good understanding.

-Taking your children to work and volunteer at nursing homes, homeless shelters, and special education facilities so that children learn to love and serve all people as equals. Or, another beauty of homeschooling, simply taking your children with you while you serve people in your church or community.

-Giving your child a specialized education for a skill or ability that is not offered by the public schools.

-And, something that I think needs to be mentioned, you can also allow a child who is naturally "different" to learn and grow without having to focus so much energy on simply surviving in an intolerant environment.

Public school is fantastic because your children get a LOT of socialization without you having to do much but pack a lunch and kiss them goodbye. My daughter's very first friend in public school was a girl who had just come to America from Ethiopia and was struggling to learn English.

Homeschooling is harder because you have to work to get what you need, but it is so nice getting exactly what you want =)

Now I need my fellow homeschoolers to help me. I am very lucky to live in a big city where I have many many resources at my finger tips. So, I'm asking all you homeschoolers who live in the country or in less diverse cities to share with us your tips and tricks to getting your children the socialization you want them to have.

(Oh, and I have reposted my rant on homeschooling and the socialization question so if you really want to go there go here)

Deleted Post

I've just deleted my most recent post concerning homeschooling and socialization. I realized, while thinking about it today, that it wasn't exactly what I wanted to say. It was more of a rant on people's misconceptions and it was aimed at the people who have made ridiculous judgments about homeschooling. That is not the group who I intended to write to. What I want to write is a post that creates more understanding for mothers who sincerely want to know about homeschooling but worry about socialization, and that should not be written in rant form. So, maybe in a few days, when I've had time to organize my thoughts, I will write the post I should have written today.

Thanks.
Lizzy

Ok, I'm putting my rant post back up, now that I have written the one I should have written, because I do feel strongly about this. I have had people tell me that public school will "fix" my kids. I've had people tell me that without public school my kids will be socially handicapped. And I've had people tell me that kids need to be bullied to learn how to function properly in the adult world. This rant was written in response to these ridiculous statements.

Yesterday's post led some of you ask me about the socialization worry that people seem to have about homeschooling. Here is my take on the whole thing:

(warning: this post may sound defensive. No one here has given me reason to be defensive. I am a mother and thereby claim the privilege to be Mamma Bear defensive when talking about children) =)
A conversation between myself, my children, and a stranger while watching doughnuts being made at Krispie Cream two years ago:

Stranger: My, you have such lovely children. Hi, how are you, little guy?
Pablo: I'm fine. (He shakes her hand)
Cookie: Are you here to watch the doughnuts being made too?
Stranger: Why, yes, I am. (Stranger Lady continues to talk with my children about various things)
Stranger: My goodness, your children are so polite. It is rare for children to be able to hold conversations like that with an adult.
(We talk for a bit and she continues to converse with my children. At one point it comes up that my kids should be in school and I mention that we homeschool)
Stranger: Wow, that is so brave of you. (then in a loud whisper) But, what about the whole socialization thing?

I get that so often it makes me want to shake some people. This woman had just been talking to my children, complimenting me on their social graces, and yet she couldn't see the ironic humor in what she had just asked. She didn't even know they were homeschooled until I had told her.

Several years ago there were some attempted studies done on homeschooling to try to determine whether it were a good thing or a bad thing. Not being able to prove that it was bad, or at least worse than public school, someone decided to throw in the argument that the only thing homeschool had going against it was the worry that there might be a lack in socialization. Read this to mean that homeschooling might make your kids weird. So, now that homeschooling has gone rather mainstream the only thing people can seem to find to say about it is, "But what about the socialization?"

To this I like to ask the question, "Does public school fix socialization problems?" If so there would be no nerds, no bullies, no lonely kids, no kids coming to school with their heads bent low, their clothes unwashed, and their hair uncombed. Did every kid you know in school have lots of friends, or know how to behave themselves perfectly in new social situations? I don't know what public school you went to but mine even had kids who were so socially handicapped that their one solution was suicide.

Yes, some homeschoolers can be "weird" but it isn't because they are homeschooled, it is because of the child's unique attributes and those of the family they were born into. Whether you are homeschooled, public schooled, private schooled, or have personal tutors, it is really your own personality and your home life that determines your social ability or acceptability.

If you come from an abusive home, a reclusive-sheltering home, have a learning disability, have neglectful parents, live in abject poverty, come from a family of eccentrics, or are just shy it is likely you will have "socialization problems."

Now, though I've seen a few attempts here and there, I've yet to see a public school actively reach out to individual children in these cases. There are programs in place and they are working in small degrees, but I personally never saw a teacher step in and tell a group of kids to be kind to the dirty boy (that is vastly different from telling them to leave him alone). I never saw teachers encouraging the cheerleader to ask the nerdy girl to sit with her. I never saw a principle take a child aside and show them the basic steps to making new friends and then hold their hand through it as the child practiced this skill. (And even when teachers do try this, they aren't the parent and can't tell a child what to do) But I have seen all this and more at the homeschool group activities I've been to.

*Edited to add: Admittedly, not all homeschooling parents teach these social skills. And while public teachers may not teach them there are certainly parents of public school children who teach their children these values and skills in the home. Again, home life plays the key factor. I'm just pointing out that it is the parent and not the institution that teaches these values and skills and therefore it is a bit easier to do when the parent IS the teacher.

It makes me sad when I hear adults say that teasing from their peers can get a child to behave or mature (and yes, I've heard this many times). Sure, teasing can make a child want to change (or run and hide), but if no one is there to love them and show them how to change all they do is get hurt. (I'm NOT saying that public schooling your kids means they will all grow up to be bullies or snobs! I'm just saying that the family life a child comes from makes all the difference in the world. I know that all you who read my blog are great parents!)

Sure, kids will be kids. Kids need to learn to stand on their own. Kids need to learn how to deal with the bullies and the snotty mean kids. But please, do not try to convince me that they can only learn to be decent, outgoing, strong, sociable, friendly, and "normal" by going to public school. At least, not until you can show me a public school without a single hurt and lonely child in it.

Look not to the school, but to the family and the individual.

Are you sorry you asked me? Now, I'm going to go eat some ice cream and cool off =) On the lighter side of things, here are some funny answers to the socialization question.

The Power Of Words

Often times the difference between being (feeling like) a good mom vs. a bad mom, or being a happy person vs. a not-so-fun-to-be-with person is all in our vocabulary. Below are some common sayings that, if twisted just a bit, can really determine how we feel about ourselves and how other people perceive us.

"I'm so tired" This phrase tells people that you are weary, inconvenienced, unhappy, and want to be left alone (and so most people will leave you alone). A better thing to say could be: "You know, right now I really need to enjoy some snuggly sit down time." This tells people that you know when your body needs to rest but that you are going to enjoy it. It also hints that you are open to having a guest come and sit/snuggle with you. Or you could say, "I'm taking a break for a bit to reenergize." This way you aren't focusing on your fatigue and sounding like a martyr but rather like a woman who is usually full of energy, knows her limits, and is taking care of herself so that she can carry on with work that she values.

"You're going to have to wait just a minute." or "Just a second." Most people, especially children, know that this means you might get back to them in 1/2 hour or more. That is, IF you even remember them later. It also makes people feel like you value whatever you are doing more than you value them. Often the thing the other person needs won't take more than a minute anyway. A better thing to say when you are being interrupted for a favor is, "Let me set this aside for just a minute and see what I can do." This lets the person know that you are more than willing to help, but also that you have work that you need to get back to in a short amount of time. Everyone wins here and the relationship between you and the person you are helping will greatly benefit. Besides, you will want them to return the favor when you need to interupt them for some quick help.

"What were you thinking?" No one likes to hear this question. It is rude and the answer is obvious... they weren't. I know I don't want someone asking me this when I eat a doughnut while dieting, or when I forget to return a rental video on time, and I've seen my kids cringe every time I've asked it of them. A better approach is to say, "I'm not sure what you were thinking when you did this but lets see if we can fix it." This shows that even though you may not understand their motives you are willing to help them fix it, making you a source of support, instead of an accuser to run away from.

"I am not in the mood." or "I'm not in the mood for this!" This proclaims that you are a moody person because you depend on moods to govern your actions. And how are the people around you supposed to understand you or help you if they have to guess what mood you're in or what mood you need to be in to handle the situation? Help everyone out by being more specific and give detailed responses like: "I need you to know that my head is hurting and so when you guys fight it makes me hurt. Would you please stop fighting until my head feels better?" Or, "In order for me to fully enjoy (insert activity here) I need to feel like the house is in order. Would you like to help me finish the dishes so that I can play with you?" Or, "I love you and want to be with you but I think I need to cool of and relax for just a minute before I do. If you could care for the kids while a slip away for a hot bath I would come out a new woman and better able to return your affection." When you are detailed you switch from being "moody" to being a normal person who has needs just like everyone else. People can understand that and are more likely to help (I only promise "likely") if they know exactly what you need.

"Not right now." If this is all you say you might as well say, "Not ever." This is another time when some specifics could really help. Let them know why "right now" is a "right now" and then tell them how they will be able to tell when "right now" is over. So, you could say something along the lines of, "If you wait until I'm done changing this diaper you will get a better answer." Kids really appreciate this one, "When I'm upset at one of your siblings it is always a good idea to wait until I'm not frowning anymore before you talk to me." Husbands appreciate, "I'm afraid that if we try to deal with this at this moment I will say things to you that you don't deserve. Can you wait until I approach you with it, or at least until tomorrow so that I have time to deal with it rationally?"

"How many times have I told you...?" Obviously it really doesn't matter how many times you've told them so this is a pointless question. Take a deep breath and try something new. You can present it this way, "I know I've told you... several times but I don't think my telling you is helping. What is something we can do to help you remember so that you don't get in trouble?" Kids, and anyone else, need to know that you don't want to get mad at them. Helping find a workable solution is so much better than making them feel stupid for not remembering. Try something nonverbal to help them. Make signs, roll play the situation, use a fun code word or phrase that will help them remember, walk them through it every time until it becomes a habit, or remove the means of offense.

Some other great vocab changes you can make are:

Say, "I love you" instead of just "goodbye" or "goodnight."

Try saying "Yes!" more often than you say "No" or "We'll see."

Say, "Let's improve it by..." rather than "It's not right."

Try using words that make people smile when you speak. For instance, when my over questioning 5 year old asks me the eternal question, "Why?" I have stopped saying, "Because" and now say, "Because I love you." It may be a silly answer but he smiles whenever I say it. When my children ask what we are having for dinner I used to say, "Food." because I knew if I told them what we were having they would start whining before they had even tasted it. Now when they ask I say, "We are having something special that big kids love to eat. But it has a magic spell on it that makes it only taste good if you try it two times." This makes them laugh at me but also makes them interested rather than fearful. I'm presently working very hard on changing my vocabulary and I must say that the results have all been good. I am also, slowly, learning the very high value of giving myself time to think before I respond to people. I'm hoping that with enough practice and verbal/mental exercise I can train my mouth to keep time with my heart so that I can reduce the amount of damage my quick tongue can produce.

In Utero Nicknames

Ok, for two days now I have been trying to get out a post on the topic of names and naming practices in various cultures. Why? Because I thought it would be a smart way to tell everyone what we have nicknamed this baby. Why isn't it posted? Because of this baby. My brain cells seem shot at the moment and so this is all you're getting today.

I love giving my babies names while they are still in the womb. Not their actual name, because I have serious issues regarding the naming of children and therefore cannot name them until I can see them. But I can't go a whole nine months calling this bump in my belly an it, him, her, or just baby. So today I am happy to announce that baby #5 has finally recieved his/her official in-utero nickname: That Kid

Now when DSSH asks where the leftover lemon cream cake went I can say, "That Kid!"
When my brain is too frazzled to write a coherent blog post I can blame That Kid.
When Cookie asks why I was late getting her from school I can tell her that That Kid was making me take too long to get my shoes on.
When I walk all the way downstairs, back up and then down again and can't remember which way I was going, or why, I can shout, "THAT KID!"

And trust me, with the way things are going around here, I really need to blame it all on someone. Thanks, That Kid, for always taking the bullet for your old mom. =)

Past kid in-utero nicknames?
Cookie= Cookie Her's stuck big time and will probably be there for life.
Pablo= I can't remember his (isn't that awful) but it probably wasn't a good one considering the fact that I thought he was a girl up to the point that everyone in the room was screaming that he was a boy.
Monster Man= Mr. Man He was the first one that we found out the sex before birth.
Sweet Terror= Twinky I ate two boxes of twinkies while pregnant with her and my husband was convinced that was what was making the bump in my belly. Never mind the 573 family size bags of cheetos I ate too. DSSH just didn't want to call a girl baby Chester.

For more nickname fun, go find the old TV episodes of The Lawrenceville Stories .

Do you name your baby bump? What are some of your favorite nicknames?

The Place Where Friends Are Made

When the Build-a-Bear workshop was first spotlighted on Oprah several years ago I remember thinking, "What a cute idea. I bet a lot of suckers are going to fall for it." As good, smart, friends of mine started buying their children Build-a-Bears I would smuggly think, "SUCKER!" When my daughter first asked for a Build-a-Bear I said, "Oh, honey, they are so expensive. I think you should ask Santa for something else." But what I was really thinking was, "Not on your life, you silly little girl."

Around our house there is a plethora of unused stuffed animals. Everytime we take a load of stuff to the Deseret Industries or Goodwill there is usually a stuffed animal or two in the bag. I don't buy them, ever, but other people keep giving them to us. And, not only do we have plenty of stuffed animals, we also have garbage bags full of cute little baby clothes that we save after every baby. Basically, we have all the makings of our own Build-a-Bear workshop right here. I suggested this to my dissapointed daughter and with the look she gave me I had one of those defining, "Oh no, I've become my mother," kind of moments.

***Flashback Moment***

When I was a kid I wrote a Christmas list that plainly showed my obsession with Strawberry Shortcake. On it I had everything from a Strawberry Shortcake blanket to a tube of Strawberry Shortcake lipgloss. I figured if everything I asked for was Strawberry Shortcake, and if I gave Santa a good price range to work with, I was sure to get something that I asked for (We never had much moeny growing up so I knew that Santa needed price ranges). The next morning as I unwrapped my mother's lovingly homemade strawberry shortcake doll and homemade strawberry shortcake blanket my heart was crushed. I acted pleased and happy but my heart ached. (I still have the doll and blanket and cherish them now that I'm old enough to realize what my mother had done for me out of love). There was also the Cabbage Patch doll dreams of my sister that just couldn't be fulfilled by the lovingly handmade Cabbage Patch style doll my mom made her. Who would have thought that the simple commercial ideas of strawberry scented hair and signatured bums would mean so much to a child?

Who would have thought that a simple fabric heart, that you rub all over yourself and then never see again once they sew your bear up, would mean so much to my child? Well, after 2 1/2 years of consistently being asked for a Build-a-Bear at every birthday and Christmas I finally decided to call her bluff of, "All I want is a Build-a-Bear. I don't want any other toy but that." She didn't receive a single toy from anyone this year; instead I gave her a coupon for lunch at the mall and $40 of Grandma Christmas money to spend on a Build-a-Bear. I bit my tongue through the whole agonizing, lovely, memory making event. Keeping my mouth shut as I forked out $23 for her, her friend, and I to eat in the food court (How on earth do all those teenagers have the money to eat here everyday???) I told myself I was paying for memories. Standing in line for over and hour (NEVER go to the Biuld-a-Bear workshop on the Saturday after Christmas) I was so proud of myself for not trying to talk my daughter into getting the cheapest bear (I listened to other mothers doing what I usually do and I could hear the original joy being sucked away as each little girl had to choose between her dream bear and making her mother happy). 2 1/2 hours later we ended up with just enough money to buy the most expensive bear-cheetah available (my girl has taste) and a cute shirt and jean skirt.

Was it worth it? Did having a full body rubbed heart (seriously, you need to hear the whole cheesey heart rubbing routine they give these kids in the store. It is ridiculous), a hand picked outfit, and a cute little lint removing shower really make this stuffed cheetah any more special in the eyes of a 9 yr old girl? YOU BETCHA IT DID!!! This cheetah is like the coolest toy ever. Everyone wants to hold it. The girls take turns taking it to bed with them. DSSH gets no end of pleasure out of threatening to cut it up or throw it away while his girls chase him screaming. And, though I held my tongue so well at the cash sucking mall, I get the daily pleasure of trying to keep that $40 stuffed animal out of the toilet, off the floor, away from hot chocolate spills, and giving my daughter the constant reminder that I won't replace it if it gets lost, stolen, or ruined. *Sigh* I am my mother's daughter after all.

The Beauties Of Boredom

Last night the kids were running all around the house screaming and yelling. I know this is a direct result of having the TV off, and I love it. Ok, maybe I don't love the screaming and yelling but I love why they were so loud. They weren't fighting, they were playing...together...all of them together...all day long. Other things that they have done:

Pretended that our Spongbob Squarepants screensaver is a TV show.

Smashed Rice Crispie Treats on one eye and pretended it was a pirate patch, swaggering around my kitchen saying, "Arrrrr" (yeah, this one had me laughing pretty hard)

Sweet Terror now begs for a story every night (before she would throw the book and ask me to leave her room)

Sweet Terror has been using her potty chair =) =) =)

And my favorite one is that Pablo has been writing his own little lego instruction manuals. He builds a ship and then breaks it down. He tried doing it with a really complicated one that he built and it was too hard, so I told him to start simple. Here is his 1st fully completed one:

Good Morning

Guess what I did this morning. No, I didn't wake up early, and no I'm not starting a new fad diet... I made all the kids wake up early. Usually we all wake up for prayers with daddy before he leaves for work. Then Cookie gets ready for school as the other kids crawl back in bed, and I usually spend a groggy half hour in front of the computer. Oh, and I wouldn't even wake up Sweet Terror for prayers (I just couldn't handle her that early in the morning). This morning, though, I woke up the Sweet Terror, and kept all the kids awake after prayers. They all had breakfast at the same time, they were all dressed before 7:45, they all had shoes, socks, hats, gloves, coats, and were sitting in the living room ready for one more prayer by 8:00. We ALL walked Cookie to school. And then guess what we did. We just kept on walking. Yup, I figured we might as well get the most out of all that winterizing and we walked all the way to the end of our street and back again (which is nine tenths of a mile). The kids were a bit puzzled but seemed to fully enjoy the outing. It made me feel good to have us all on track, doing the same things, and having everything done before 8:30 (I'm usually still doling out last minute cereals by 9:00 and cleaning up breakfast at 10:00). I'm not sure if I can keep this going every day, but at least now I know it is possible. I hope you are all having a lovely morning.

Day 2

Day 2 without the "Nanny" (see previous post)

It is day two without the nanny. I've had moments of weakness when I wanted to give in to the pleas of my children, but I've held strong. For the record we weren't really watching T.V. and haven't for the past 3 years. It was only movies, and even then they were never a problem for us until this last year when Sweet Terror learned that movies are easy entertainment on demand. She also figured out that mommy wasn't the only one who could put one on for her which led to much screaming on her part to get Pablo to put movies in for her. Thinking my children were all downstairs playing quietly together, I would be blissfully ignorant of the fact that my children were actually watching hours on end of movies. Still it wasn't too big a deal because I have all the fun movies locked away and the kids only have access to educational or religious videos. Christmas came though, and out came the fun movies. Then, came the biggest back stabbing I've ever received, and from the man I most love and trust! DSSH knows my dislike for TV and has, for the most part, fully supported me in it. We own one Dora VHS and one Dora DVD for the sake of peace and quiet, but that is as much pre-recorded TV as I could accept. So, what does my awesome night in shining armor get for Sweet Terror??? THIS:
"Product Description: Get ready for over seven hours of non-stop educational adventures with Nick Jr. Favorites Box Set (Volumes 4-6)! This release features eighteen episodes of the best Nick Jr. episodes across all Nick Jr. properties over the past few years including episodes from Dora, Wonder Pets, Backyardigans and more!"

Is that not the most blatant form of treason you've ever seen? And who would I be if I were to deny my youngest child the use of her favorite Christmas gift in all her short 3 years of life?

That's right. And I'm already mean enough for making them eat their vegetables. So, we had those lovely 7 hours of Nick Jr playing round the clock. And if they weren't playing you can guess what was, the demonic screaming of the real devil around here. Therefore, the TV had to be shut down, completely. As a result Sweet Terror, after her morning cry over the dead TV, has been playing with her Christmas toys and actually taking naps again. Monster Man has been painting and drawing, which he normally dislikes doing. Pablo is pretty much unaffected because he never watched the TV, but he has been pestered a lot more by Sweet Terror. Cookie has been terribly bored but I think that in time her boredom will turn into productivity. And me, what has it done to me? I thought I would go crazy that first day, in fact I knew I would go crazy, so I renewed our zoo membership and took the kids out into the rain for some good ol' educational exercise. I have also been working on the boys' painting and am half done (I will share pics when I am done). I finally mailed in my return of a recalled PollyPocket playset (bought for $8 at a garage sale and will get $32 back, woohoo). And now I'm half done with totally cleaning/organizing/dejunking the holiday-stuff-and-shove-room, formerly known as my husband's office.

Oh yes and I... I will survive. Even without the TV on all day, I know I'll stay alive.

I Fired My Nanny

What would you do if you had a live-in-nanny who allowed you all the free time in the world? Would you fire her if she were too good at her job? Well I did. That's right, I had the world's best nanny and I pulled the plug on her yesterday. Why? Because my son loved her so much that he never wanted to sit and read with me. My daughter loved her so much that she refused to leave her long enough to let me potty train her. She preferred to just pee her pants, while being held in the loving, non-potty-training arms of her cooler-than-mom-will-ever-be nanny. And, frankly, I loved her so much that I was letting her do all the parenting and was beginning to forget my childrens' names. I know I did the right thing... after all I am their mother and I need to be in control around here. Even though I am proud of my decision, I can't help but miss her. Already I'm feeling the loss of all that free time. The kids have begged me to let her come back all morning. My youngest has been in tears, screaming her name. My 5 year old started crying when I told him she was gone. My oldest asked if we could have her back for just a short visit. I hugged them all and said, "I know this will be hard for you for a few days, but soon it will be easy and you will get over her. We have lots of other things to do around here and if we play together, as a family, we can have lots of fun."

I really hope I can get through this without her......

Good bye Dora Labrynth Spongebob Magic School Bus Veggie Tales, we will miss you.

Taking My Own Medicine

It is a challenge being a parent, no doubt. The hardest part, for me, is knowing that the only way to teach children is by example. You can talk till you are blue in the face, but in the end it doesn't matter a smidge what you say. The most idiotic words a parent can say to their child is, "I don't want you to end up like me." So, how do I get my daughter to understand that I really don't want her to parent the way I have parented her? Notice I don't say "the way I parent," because, as we all know, it is nearly impossible to parent each child the same way. For some reason I am able to consider myself a pretty durn good mom to my other children but not to Cookie. This has been a ache in my heart for many years. I don't know when we started having problems, maybe it was because she was so hard to nurse so we didn't get that relaxed bonding. Maybe it was because I felt jealous when I first realized that I was no longer the only woman in my husbands heart. Maybe it is because she is so much like me and I don't like having a sentient mirror image of myself following me around, demonstrating all my faults. Maybe it is because she is the oldest and so I expect WAY too much from her. Maybe it is a little bit of all these things. What it really comes down to, though, is that I'm not at peace with my child... and that is unacceptable.

This has been a self improvement project of mine for the past 2 years. The best step I took was sending her to public school. As much as it hurt me to give up homeschooling her we really needed that time away from each other for me to gain control of my reactions to her actions, and also just to give us time away from each other to develop our own personalities. But, I hadn't really improved any of my parenting, I had just gained a bit of freedom and the ability to avoid her for half a day.

Lately our biggest struggle has been the way she treats her brother, Monster Man. She hasn't really liked the poor guy since he was 2 and has been rather obvious about it. It took us two years to get her to eat at the same table with him. She still won't sit next to him at dinner, church, or during family prayers. I was able to just accept it as sibling stuff and we set things up so that Monster Man wouldn't notice. But lately things have gotten REALLY bad. Cookie is a good kid and doesn't get in trouble for the most part but it seems like I am lecturing her all the time about the way she treats and talks to her brother. I finally sat her down for a talk and this is basically how it went:

Me: Cookie, what have you been getting in trouble for every day lately?

Her: For talking mean to Monster Man

Me: Do you love him?

Her: (Shrugging) yeah

Me: Honey, if something awful were to happen to Gabe today, if he were to die right now, what would be the last thing he heard you say?

Her: Yelling at him (she is tearing up now)

Me: Have you ever noticed that any time I have to get mad at one of you guys I always end it with hugging you and telling you what I love about you? I do that because I want to make sure that the last thing my children hear from me is how much I love them. When was the last time you told Monster Man that you love him?

Her: I don't know

Me: When was the last time you hugged him?

Her: I don't know

Me: When was the last time you asked him to play with you?

Her: I don't know

Me: When was the last time you said something mean to him?

Her: Just a few minutes ago

Me: Cookie, I know that deep down you love him, but do you think he knows you love him? Now, I have talked to you about this over and over again. You've gotten in lots of trouble and even been punished for the things you've said to him. Nothing I've done has made you stop being mean to him and I think I know why. It isn't enough for you to try to stop being mean, you now have to start actually doing loving things to him. Starting now I want you to tell him you love him at least once a day. I want you to start telling him why you love him. I want you to start hugging him and playing with him. Because unless you start showing him that you love him he will never know. And the more you show him your love the harder it will be for you to be mean to him because you won't like the way it makes it feel anymore.

Later that night I layed in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about why this situation had gotten so bad. Then I started realizing that I needed to show her how to be loving. I am ubber loving with my other kids but, for many reasons, I find it very difficult to be loving to Cookie. It is highly probable that her treatment of Monster Man is simply another reflection of the way I treat her. Ouch! Talk about your humble parenting pie. So, I am determined to be loving towards my daughter. I am going to try the same experiment I gave her. I am going to tell her I love her before she tells me. I am going to ask her if she wants to play chess instead of telling her I don't have time. I am going to stop correcting her unless it is something serious, and even then I will count to ten first. I am going to hug her for no reason. I am going to look at her and tell her she is beautiful. I am going to tell my husband only good things about her for the rest of the year. I am going to start seeing the humor in her little quirks rather than let them make me bristle. I am going to do all of this because, frankly, if she were taken from me this moment I could not be confident in thinking that she knows how much I really love her. No child should have to wonder if their mother really loves them or is just putting up with them.

I love you Cookie, more than I will ever be able to make you understand.

Amazing Moments

Be still my beating heart.

There are special moments in motherhood that just make your heart so full it wants to burst. Two nights ago, as I was very tiredly changing a diaper and encouraging the children to hurry and get in bed, Pablo came to me and started talking. Pablo has a very interesting manner when it comes to communication and sometimes you really have to focus to get what he is saying. Because of this I just started saying the usual, "Uh, huh," over my shoulder as he sweetly told me that he was reading the Bible every night in bed. Only a fraction of my brain was running at the time and so I said, ""That is wonderful and a very good thing to do. I'm very proud of you for making that kind of a choice." But it hadn't really sunk in what my little 7 year old had just told me. Tonight as I did my last round of checking on kids and putting extra blankets on them, Pablo once again told me that he had read his Bible when he got in bed. I think, because I wasn't changing a diaper on a screaming Sweet Terror this time, that my small piece of working brain kind of caught on to what I was hearing. I almost said, "That's great," but stopped and took interest. "Really? And what did you read about tonight?" He proceeded to tell me that he has been reading all about how God made the world but then he had to stop because he got to the big words that say Chapter 3 and he can't read Chapter 3 until tomorrow. WHAT??? My 7 year old is reading the bible of his own sweet accord?!? He isn't talking about a children's version here, this is the big Kahuna, the unabridged, no pictures, King James version, Holy Bible. There are no words to express..... Humble. I feel very humbled and know that I need to continue with my own personal scripture reading... Happy. How could I not feel happy that he is putting aside his beloved Garfield comics for one of the hardest books to read of all time?.... Proud? No. No pride this time. This is all coming from him. I don't know how long it will last but my heart beats hard tonight and I'm smiling.

Monster Man Strikes Again

You should never laugh at your child when they are misbehaving as it will only encourage them to repeat the misbehavior. ~Anyone who can say that with a straight face hasn't met my Monster Man.

Monster Man is supposed to be eating his carrots. It isn't that hard, we are eating chicken noodle soup and all I've required of him is to eat all his noodles and carrots. He has been stalling all night. First the soup was too hot, then it needed salt, then he had to pick every little bit of parsley and onion off his carrots before he could put them in his mouth, then Sweet Terror stole his spoon (the one he wasn't using because it wouldn't pick his carrots up just right), then one of the carrots fell on the floor, etc, etc, etc, then he finally pulled out the big one, the one excuse that can never be argued with, "I have to go to the bathroom." He "goes" and it takes him forever. I yell, "Monster Man, finish and get back here and eat your carrots!" I really wish I didn't sound so much like Miss Hannigan when I yell. Monster Man runs out and flashes me his just-try-to-stay-mad-at-me smile and I patiently ask, "Did you wash your hands?" He runs back into the bathroom. I hear enough water coming out of my faucet to fill a bathtub (Ooooo, I could really go for a warm, quiet bubble bath right now) and so I yell,

"Monster Man.... MONSTER MAN!!!!"

I am just about to charge into my bathroom to yell at said Monster Man when he comes rushing out and smiles up at me with a ridiculously large set of plastic, glow in the dark, vampire teeth in his mouth.

I tried not to laugh, honestly I did.

I did manage to mumble, in between fits of unparent-like giggling, that vampires need to eat their carrots too so that they don't die.

I Really Do Homeschool

I know you wouldn't be able to tell just from reading my blog, but I really am a homeschooling mom. I don't often post about my kids because my blog is usually used as an escape from my daily duties as mother (Does that make me sound awful? Too bad). Today I took the kids to a local beach park and as they gathered seashells, built driftwood forts, and splashed in the freezing cold waves, I took some time to ponder over this year's homeschooling schedule. In past years I've fully enjoyed a lackadaisical, sort of fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants approach to education. However, now that the kids are older, and now that we have to factor in Cookie's public school schedule, I find that I really do need to have a method to my madness here. I pulled out some bright little yellow index cards, that I keep in my purse for just such occasions, and began writing. Now, I have to try and make some sense out of all these scribbles. The times I give are not starting times but ending times, so I must finish each thing by the time given. If it doesn't have a weekday next to it then it is done everyday Mon-Fri

6:25 Wake up and JUMP out of bed
6:45 Make bed, pick up room, shake my booty till DSSH gets out of the shower.
6:55 Put on running clothes, family prayers, kiss DSSH good bye (I'm such a good wife)
7:30 Run or shake booty for 1/2 hour
8:00 Unload Dishes, dress kids, get them to do whatever chores I can
8:30 Scripture memorization with kids, quick prayer, take Cookie to school
9:30 Reading time
10:15 Math Lessons
11:00 Personal Folder Seat Work
11:15 lunch
1:30 LOVELY QUIET TIME All kids will take a nap or read quietly in bed. Usually I just eat and veg-out during this time. This year I want to do more with this free time.
Mon: Do a deep clean in one area of the home and write a letter to a loved one.
Tue: Answer a Little Miss Knowitall (I haven't answered one in way too long), Do something artistic, or work on my writing projects.
Wed: Watch a movie and enjoy a yummy snack (Hey, I'm still human).
Thur: Do a sewing project and work on church calling duties.
Fri: Wild Card do what I want to day.

2:30 History or Science (Or both if I'm having a SUPER MOM day)
3:00 Pack up kids and walk to Cookie's school to pick her up.
4:30 Have kids finish their chores, prep dinner, and have Cookie do her homework.
5:30 Do something interactive and fun with kids
Mon: Play Board Games
Tue: Math Games
Wed: Run Errands (Sorry kids, it's gotta happen sometime)
Thur: Outing to museum
Fri: Art project

6:30 "All right, everyone downstairs and give mom some peace and quiet so I can still love you."
7:00 Finish making dinner, have kids set table.
8:55 Family scriptures, prayers, brush kids' teeth, spank and send kids to bed.
9:55 Enjoy a quiet moment with DSSH
10:00 ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (I wish it were that easy)

Being realistic, though, I plan to crash and burn every Wednesday (and every other Thursday as well). Those are the days when I will eat embarrassing amounts of ice cream, watch every Cary Grant movie I own, and talk to my sister until her husband cuts their phone line.

This craziness will start on the morning of September 4th. Wish me luck!

Bribery Is My Last Hope

Before I had children I saw many things in black and white. Right and wrong. Good and bad. Then my little angels came into my life. I've tried to hold on to my staunch ideals but, when the whining starts and my sanity is slipping, every now and then the blacks and whites just start swirling into a mass of fluctuating greys. Take bribery, for instance. It is wrong. 'Nuff said.... right? Weeeeeell, it is wrong, but....... ok, what if you are out in public, and your baby is screaming, and scratching your face, and you know she should be home in bed, but you are all out of toilet paper, and you might as well do all your shopping now that you are there, and if she will just hold on another 10 minutes you can make it through the checkout line? Is it so very wrong to grab a little box of animal crackers off the stand next to you, rip it open and shove them into your "angel's" mouth? And then wouldn't that make it unfair that the rest of the kids didn't get a treat just because they weren't screaming too? So, I buy them all a 50 cent box of animal crackers. Suddenly I realize that good+bad=goad and that is just what my kids have done. They have goaded me into buying them a treat and now I will have to spend a lifetime trying to reestablish that delicate boundary between good and bad.

Well, my friends, once again that boundary is going to bend.

I have picky kids. I am not blameless in this. I love food and I dislike the idea of fighting over every meal. I have read lots of books on the subject, tried many "kid friendly" recipes, and even threatened one time, "if you don't put this corn in your mouth and chew it and swallow it, right now, I am going to spank you and it will hurt." (I plead Tired Mother Insanity for that last one). In the end though it always comes to the point that if they don't want to eat it, they are NOT going to eat it, unless you make them (and, boy, they would just like to see you try...). So, this last Saturday I decided that my children were ALL going to eat their green beans. They have all eaten green beans before but they like taking turns adamantly refusing to eat them. So, I made chocolate chip cookies to bribe them. Two angels went to bed with chocolate coated lips. The other two went to bed still screaming about not getting a cookie. I went to bed with a migraine, a guilty conscience, another book, and a strengthened desire to get my kids to taste new things. I don't care if my kids have dislikes. After all, nothing will ever get me to like raisins in cookies or Marciano cherries. What bothers me is when they won't try something or when they just decide not to like something all of a sudden and refuse to give it another chance.

Here comes my grey version of a bribe. I like to call it a reward. You call it what ever you want.

I am going to make a "Picky Bank" for each of my children. They will be on a shelf in our dining area. For every first taste they take I will put in a penny and the second one gets two pennies (no more after that, they have tasted it and if they don't like it for what it is so be it). For every serving of veggies, eaten all gone, I will put in 3 pennies. At the end of the month the money is theirs. I know that Cookie's bank will fill up fast. She is by far my best eater (picky wise) and that should make for hearty competition. This may end up being a bad idea. My children may tell their therapists about it later in life. Too bad, because if I don't find SOMETHING to improve our dinners I am going to need my own therapist. And, if it works, I will write a million dollar book so that I can afford to just give my kids McDonalds every night.

Just Three Servings A Day

I am constantly trying to revamp myself, to kick myself back into gear, to improve myself. Really I just keep getting lazy and have to kick myself in the you-know-whatty. Over the Christmas holidays my mother and I decided to help each other loose weight and get fit. We did some fun gimmicky things to get our rears in gear and I lost an awesome 15 pounds and she lost like 20 or 25. The only problem??? I was hating myself the whole time. Every time I gained a pound or broke down and stuffed my face, or woke up and couldn't face another day on the exercise ball I would berate myself and pretty much hate myself. It stunk. I was angry a lot, I started to say mean things about myself (in a joking manner, but it was still mean), it made me understand why women hate dieting. I've never been a dieter and I've always been happy... until I decided to diet. Never, ever, mehver, whever, shmever will I DIEt again. At the pique of my self abuse I bought a great book called Body Clutter. It is written by Marla Cilley, who created FLY Lady, and Leanne Ely, who started Saving Dinner. These gals are great. They are honest, loving, firm, openly Christian, and leave you with no excuses. The biggest point the book made was that you can't go through life being mean to yourself. You shouldn't diet because you hate your body. You should eat right and exercise because you love your body and want to take care of it.

After reading it and doing what it said I really did find my self-love again and felt my old happy self again. In fact, it even helped me get my hair cut. I have been wanting to get my hair cut very short for 3 years now but I had told myself that I wouldn't get it cut until I was at my goal weight. I could never get to that goal weight and my hair just kept growing and I began to hate it after awhile. After reading this book I realized I was punishing myself for not being a certain weight and that was wrong. I went and got all that hair chopped off and I LOVE looking in the mirror again. Now, before anyone gets the wrong impression... I can't tout this as a weight loss book yet. In fact I actually regained those lost 15 pounds. Am I beating myself up for that? No. But I am slowly doing things that are right for me and I am not being mean to myself anymore. I do feel that my current weight isn't the best for me but only because I know that I'm carrying around 10 pounds that wouldn't be there if I were to do things a bit differently. I have always said that the only way to remove bad things in your life is to do so many good things that you simply don't have time for the bad. I also believe in baby steps and doing things that will make you happy, not miserable. So, here is my plan: I will try to do just one good thing every day in three different areas of my life.

Feeding My Spirit (I know I feel more confident when I have cared for ME, not mom, wife, friend, or church goer, but ME. To do that I just need to do one of these during the day.)

Read my scriptures

Study my Spanish

Do something artistic

Practice piano

Answer a Miss Knowitall question

Work on my novel

Write a letter to someone

Do a personal service project

Do my Visiting Teaching

Keeping My Body In Tune (Now I don't have to feel like a spineless ninny for eating carmel popcorn. I just have to do at least one of these to stay on track. The funny thing is that after doing one of these I usually don't need or even want the carmel popcorn, but if I do I don't have to feel guilty)

Go for a run

Do some indoor exercises

Eat a TON of veggies through out the day

No bad food for a whole day

No long sit downs for one day

Do some yard work

Clean the house (You know, the kind of clean where you know you've had a good workout)

Dance around as i go through the house

Building A Better Relationship With My Children to find Joy In Motherhood Again (It is amazing how quickly relationships with children can be built when you put forth just a bit of effort)

Play a board game

Read to them

Play with them

Do an art project with them

Participate in an outing (I often take them to the park, library, or museum. But now I want to interact with them while we are there, not just merely keep them in eyesight.)

~I would have made this a family section but we have that down pat. DSSH and I are on par with each other and we are a great team. I just forget to keep going when he isn't around.

I have been doing this for three days now and so far I am loving it. I was sadly shown how badly I've needed to do this when I asked Pablo if he wanted to play a board game with me and he didn't understand. I repeated the offer and he pointedly said, "But, you don't play with us". Well, I do now and it is great. I don't know when or why I stopped doing these basic things, but I know that they are the building blocks of a happy life.

Driving In Cars With Boys

When, exactly, does "E" mean empty? Not depleting, not running out, but empty, as in all gone, as in not a drop left? If you are a Seinfeld lover then you may remember the episode in which they dared ask this very question. I'm no Kramer and I've always been content with refueling several bars before the "E". The only things that ever stop me from premature fill ups are laziness, procrastination, cheapness, and a lack of gas stations for miles on end while taking a very long road trip with all four kids and no husband.

We were driving through Montana at this point (normally I drive through Oregon so I was a bit unfamiliar with the territory). I notice that the gas is less than half full so I think, "Better keep my eye out for a station." I see one about 10 minutes later but tell myself, "Oh, that is in a little po-dunk way side. They always charge too much. There should be another stop in the next 45 minutes or so and I have plenty of gas too see me that far." Well, don't count your gallons before they are burned. We drove on past that little po-dunk station and then didn't see another for longer than I care to remember. Our car has one of those little over head displays that show the direction you are traveling, the current miles per gallon, the average miles per gallon, and the estimated miles you have left from what ever is still in your tank. Well, the further we drove, and the longer we went without seeing a station in sight, I began to worry. I turned on that "miles left" display just before the gauge hit that big ol' "E". It said we had 27 miles left on our tank.

"Kids... Hey you guys?... HEY! Listen to mommy for just a minute. Ok guys, we are running really low on gas and we need to try and make it to a gas station. I need you all to be quiet while mommy worries. It would also really help if we all say a silent prayer to Heavenly Father to ask Him to help us get to a gas station and to be safe." Worry is a great thing for getting kids to be quiet.

We finally get to an off ramp that has the name of a town, or something, next to it. I could take it and hope that it leads into a town with a gas station, but I don't see any lights and I only have 17 miles left, according to the lit display. A sign says that there is another off ramp in 10 miles. 17 is just an estimate, it could be high or low. I feel strongly to just keep going and keep praying. Pablo is the family worrier and he is watching the mileage countdown and keeping me alerted, unnecessarily I might add.

"MOM, it says we only have 10 miles left."
"I know, Pablo, but the exit is only 4 miles away, I think we will make it."
"Now it's only 7. Everyone, look, it says only 7. Oh, oh, its only 6 now!"
"Look, look, you guys a gas station just up ahead. See the lights?"
"ONLY 5!"
"It's going to be ok, Pablo, we are exiting right now."
"ONLY 3! Now it's 2! Oh mom I'm so worried"
"Calm down, sweety, we are hear."

I kid you not, folks, we drove in and stopped at the pump with a readout of 1 mile left in our tank. It took over $55 to fill it back up. We were all happy, safe, and very grateful that we didn't get stranded on the side of the road. And now Pablo makes sure to point out every gas station we pass and if we are on the road for more than an hour he asks if we need to get more gas. And so , I will pay for my little mistake for the next several months, I'm sure.

Lesson: Overpriced po-dunk gas is better than nothing.

The Set Up

In just two days I will strap my four children into the back seats of my minivan. I will then sit in the drivers seat and buckle myself in. The car will start, we will slowly back out of the driveway, and then we will head towards Idaho and try to do it with as little stops as we possibly can. There will be no co-pilot, no stewardesses, just me and my four kids. How will I accomplish this without stopping every five minutes for potty breaks, food breaks, and pulling-over-to-yell at-everyone-breaks? Well, it is all in the set up.

Tripping with kids Tip #2: Setting up the one man show.

Flingable food. When driving long distances the kids are bound to want snacks to munch on to keep them happy. The problem is that I don't want to stop every time they get a craving but I also don't have a set of extra hands lying around to open fruit snack pouches or to evenly dole out the cookies. This is where I use my lovely Ziploc bags again. I preportion out all the snacks in baggies. Kids always eat more than one pouch of fruit snacks, so open all the fruit snacks and dump two pouches in every baggie. I fill baggies with equal amounts of cookies, carrots, grapes, pretzels, etc. I only put in enough for one serving because once I fling them a baggie it is theirs and the little kids sometimes dump out whatever they don't eat. I keep a box full of the flingable food bags, water bottles (one for everyone), two small baggies with some wet wipes in them for flingable cleanliness, and apples up between the two front seats. Now when I'm driving I don't even have to look back, I just pick up a baggie and toss it back. The older kids can help toss, or at least help retrieve the ones that almost made it.

Busy Bag. About a month before the big trip I start collecting things for the busy bag. I keep my eyes open for new books, colored pencils, notebooks, and little toys or travel puzzles at garage sales and thrift stores. I keep the items hidden until the trip because they work best if they are "new" to the kids. I put crayons and colored pencils either into Ziplocs or small pencil pouches to make it easier for the kids to keep them tidy. The other trick to this bag is when to use it. It is all about the timing. A good busy bag will really only keep their attention for 5 hours. If I give them the busy bag right away they will quickly use it up and I will be left with another 8 hours of whining. So, I take some of the busy bag items and keep them aside for the very last part of the trip (keep them newer longer), then I don't let my kids have the busy bag until after they have had a nap. Which moves me to tip #3

Time it just right. I like to leave 2 hours before our regular nap time. The kids can usually behave and be entertained with music, audio books, a few snacks, and singing for two hours. Then they hopefully fall asleep for two hours. Then when they wake up I let them go as long as they can on the audio books and snacks. When they start going crazy we stop at a McD's with a playland and let them eat and run around like crazy. Get gas, go potty, get on the road again. Now I have the busy bag up by my seat ready to toss back to the oldest child to distribute. It should last a good 3 hours with some good audio books playing at the same time. Hopefully they will drift off to asleep again at about this time (at least the really young ones should). Then when they start going crazy again I will pull out the last little busy bag. Then the last hour of the trip is spent pointing out how many more turns, land marks, or streets there are till we are there.

When and where to stop. Know the stops along the way so that you can plan potty breaks, gas fillups, McD stops, even where a good park is close to the freeway for a mid trip run around. Try to plan gas stops and potty breaks for the same stop. All kids go potty at every stop whether they think they need to or not. I think Chevrons usually have the cleanest bathrooms, and so do the McDonalds stops. Take advantage of those.

Emergency preparedness. Keep an old Tupperware bowl, or an empty cool whip tub, and an old towel wrapped in a plastic bag under a seat close to you. This will be a life saver if someone starts puking on your trip (cool whip tubs stack up pretty snug so you could bring one for every kid). Keep a florescent poster board and a big magic marker and some packing tape in the back of the car. This way if you have an emergency you can write exactly what kind of help you are in need of for other drivers to see. Keep extra water and food in the car. I always travel with a Costco size thing of granola bars and bottled water in the back of my van so we are never without food and drink. I also keep a big jug of water in the car for refilling bottles as we go. Keep a roll of toilet paper under a seat (you never know when someone is going to have to go out in the middle of nowhere).

What are your special road trip tricks?

There is a new answer over at Little Miss Knowitall.