You Can Thank Me Later

(I stole this gorgeously grumpy face from a talented photographer in Flicker)

Yesterday and today I've been busy composing a nasty, frothing at the mouth, red hued rant about... well never mind what it was about. I wrote it, I felt better after getting it all off my chest, then I hit the Save As Draft button and walked away from my computer. I did some frantic cleaning, had some very heated conversations with the voices in my head, drank some water, and then I decided that the world doesn't need another ranting, controversial, mean spirited post.

.

You're welcome.

Now, I'm going to go tickle my baby boy so that his lovely baby giggles can find and destroy the negative hate rays I was sending out to the universe earlier. Happy blogging, everyone!

Still PMSing

Apparently my kids are brand loyal. They don't like Kraft Mac-n-cheese because it is too rich. They prefer generic but can tell a difference between store brands. So far their favorite generic mac-n cheese comes from WinCo Foods (Flovorite brand) and Grocery Outlet (something that comes in a red box). They dislike being forced to eat the yummy homemade stuff (you know, the kind with 3 different cheeses, real cream, and bacon) and refuse to eat anything made with the cheese powder from the bulk bins. Today they are eating Haggen brand from Top Food and Drug. It is acceptable, but smells different, or so they tell me.

There was a time when I tried to fight the Mac-n-cheese battle. Logically it is all the same, right? But my children are mac-n-cheese connoisseurs and will not be tricked. Not even with bacon. I've learned to dish it and run. I don't look at who is sitting where so I don't know who ate what and I don't try to force the matter. The only reason I serve mac-n-cheese in the first place is because I don't have time (or the inclination) to make heart shaped PB&Js with flower shaped carrots and cucumbers and sprigs of red grapes.

I once heard that LDS missionaries call Mac-n-cheese Yellow Death (with cut up hotdogs it is Yellow Death and Dogs). Well, I think Yellow Death perfectly describes my mood anytime I have to try to convince my children to eat any unacceptable form of salted orange food coloring over boiled flour formations and butter.

Can you guess what we had for lunch today? And can you guess that I'm still PMSing? My next post won't be so acidic... I promise. =)

Bon Appetite!

Dear World

Dear World,

To all those who might see my children today:
Yes, I know it looks white-trash to send my kids to school with their lunch in large plastic grocery bags. Please know that I have purchased them several very cute and socially acceptable lunch bags throughout the year and I am refusing to buy anymore for them for the next month, hoping they will find their old ones.

Yes, my son is wearing the same pair of pants for 3 days in a row now. It isn't that we don't own pants, it is that he decided to wad all his dirty pants into a ball and shove them in the corner of his closet while I meticulously caught up on everyone else's laundry. I sent him to school in his 3rd day in a row pants because they didn't smell as bad as the closet pants and I have a full load of size 8 boy pants twirling in my dryer as I type this.

Yes, I am fully aware that my daughter is wearing a very large, not so nice looking men's black hoody with a broken zipper. Please know that she owns 2 very nice coats, a purple down coat and a pink woolen one. But I wore a beat up army jacket to school despite my mother's chagrin so I'm considering this fair payback.

Yes, Pablo's teacher, it does look like I'm too poor to pack a decent sized lunch for my son. No, I'm not too poor, and no I'm not trying to starve him. I have learned that my son does not like to eat at school because you have a silly rule that after they are done eating they can go outside for recess. In my son's head this translates to, "the less I eat the more time I get to play." To avoid the wasted food I have taken to packing him a small lunch that he is required by me to eat and then I have him eat more when he gets home.

Yes, landlord, I was in my bathrobe and my living room was messy when you decided to knock on my door unannounced at 10:30am yesterday. Please know that I was up the entire night with a boy who was puking out of control and was so busy washing blankets and towels, getting my kids off to school, stopping fights between my stay at home kids, and feeding, changing, diapering a baby that I had yet to even look in a mirror. If you wouldn't mind calling just 15 minutes before coming over, to talk about the mold problem you still haven't fixed (it's only been 2 years, but I'm not counting), I would be able to make myself more presentable.

Now, dear world, if you don't mind, I'm going to go eat some leftover Chinese food for breakfast and I'd appreciate it if you'd just look the other way and pretend I am eating the V8 and grapefruit I have sitting on my counter. Thank you so much.

Yours truly
PMS

Good, Bad, Ugly

Good: I'm going to go see that adorable sadistic hamster in Bolt today with my kids (it's all about the hamster).

Bad: I'm taking the kids to see Bolt in an attempt to avoid having a total nervous breakdown (there had better be a lot of hamster in this movie).

Good: I have a wonderful friend who let me cry on her shoulder this morning.

Bad: She had come over to bring her kids for me to babysit and instead found me in my bathrobe, surrounded by filth, and sobbing over a pee soaked couch.

Good: The reason for the pee being on my couch and not on my child's bed is going to be gone and over tonight.

Bad: I now get to clean up the aftermath of the 3 week long reason why the pee was on the couch and not in the bed.

Good: See how good I'm being about not talking about this "reason?" I'm really working on not whining about the service I volunteer to do in life (but I'm not very good at it because I love to whine!)

Bad: Mr. Hotness will be out of a Job come April 30th.

Good: Mr. Hotness has a job until April 30th.

Bad: Cheeks wants to be held ALL the time.

Good: Cheeks is so stinkin' cute.

Bad: Mr. Hotness has been gone a lot lately. A lot. Lot lot lot lot.

Good: One of the reasons he will be gone is a job interview in L.A.

Bad: It's a job interview in L.A. (all you fellow mom bloggers who live near LA please help me be ok with this)

Good: Because Mr. Hotness is gone I have an excuse for seeing Bolt today (but seriously, there really needs to be a lot of hamster or I'm going to loose it).

Go Away

Rain, rain, go away.
Come again another day.
Lizzy's family wants to play.
Rain, rain, go away.

(In Seattle pretty much any day that has a cloud on it is going to be dismally grey and have rain at some point. Today says, "Chance" of showers, but it is already raining all over everything.)

I shouldn't be complaining, because if it really were hot and sunny I would swell up like a hot air balloon and be whining about that instead of this. I'm such a whiner. But seriously, it has been raining all week, and as you can see it isn't about to stop. And notice the temps? It is 48 right now and rather chilly. Last week I actually had to turn on the heater for a little bit because the kids were freezing (and my toes were cold). IT IS JUNE!!! Where is my summer? It is really hard to want to "nest" when it is so dreary outside. The kids are constantly asking to play outside and I have to say no because everything is wet and muddy right now, with no sign of drying. I can't put away our winter clothing because we are still wearing it, and at this point I wonder if it is even worth putting away. Fall is just around the corner. *sigh* =(

Good thing Mr. Hotness brought home some new ice creams for me to try, or I'd be really bummed. I don't know about yours, but our Rite Aid is having a sale on Haagen Daz: 2 for $5. =)

To Tie Or Not To Tie

Criss Cross Tying Shoes

(tune: Splish Splash I was taking a Bath)
Criss Cross and go under the bridge

Then you got to pull it tight.

Make a loop but keep a long tail

That is how to do it right

Then you take the other string

and you wrap it 'round the loop

Pull it through the hole

Now you got the scoop!

I love velcro and elastic on shoes. Several months ago my DSSH was shocked, SHOCKED, to find that Pablo couldn't tie his shoes. For clarification Pablo is 7, and I did teach him to tie his shoes when he was 6. Soon after he learned how, though, he grew out of his tie up shoes. It just so happens that when we went to get him new shoes the nicest/cheapest one we could find didn't have laces, for both his casual and Sunday shoes. This led to him forgetting how to tie shoe laces. Did I look for ones with laces? Not on your life. Do you know how long it takes to get 4 kids fed, dressed, ready, in the car, and in car seats to start our day? If I can remove the time it takes to help them tie their shoes then I am ALL for it, not to mention the hassle I save from not having to retie them. Did you know that in the time it takes to retie a 6 year old's shoes a 4 year old can disappear and a 2 year old can smash a carton of eggs? Just ask me how I know. Now add to this that fact that when you get all 4 kids dressed up to go to someone's house they only use their shoes for a total of 5 minutes. Put them on to walk to the car, walk from the car to other person's front door, then take them off so you don't mess up other person's floor. 5 minutes of use is not worth the 15-20 minutes it takes to get 4 kids into properly tied lace up shoes. Personally I agree that it is an important process for a child's brain to learn. I know that there is an important connection that happens between the brain and one's fingers when they learn to tie their shoes. BUT, I also know that they teach knot tying in Boy Scouts, I know there are lots of other hand-to-brain functions my son is learning, and I feel confident that soon enough we will find that the nicest/cheapest shoes we can find for him will be lace ups. So, why worry?

Eggs

Mmmmmm, eggs. So tasty and useful in so many ways. How do I love thee eggs? Let me count the ways:
1. Pouched in Eggs Benedict.
2. Fried in the middle of a piece of toast.
3. Deviled
4. Creamy in my Creme Brulee
5. Baked in my delicate White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle cheesecake that I ate just 4 hours ago while visiting with my wonderful friend, An Ordinary Mom.
6. Holding my herbed bread crumbs onto my tender chicken breasts.
7. Separated for Angel Food cake and rice pudding.
8. Crushed shells fertilizing my plants.
9. Hollow shells filled with confetti for a practical joke.
10. Raw, passing from spoon to spoon in a relay race.

How do I not like thee? Let me count the ways:
1. Dripping all over the back of my car when my daughter steps on your carton (no, she should not have been back there).
2. Broken on my floor because I tried to carry four of you in one hand.
3. Broken on my walls because my boys thought you would be a great baseball.
4. Rotten because I hid you in my closet and forgot about you when I was 6.
5. Sticky, crushed shells all over my carpet because Sweet Terror took you out of the garbage to play.
6. BUT THE WAY I DISLIKE YOU MOST IS WHEN YOU'VE BEEN THROWN AT MY HOUSE, HIGHER THAN I CAN POSSIBLY REACH, ABOVE MY WINDOWS SO THAT I HAVE NASTY STICKY DRIPS THAT MAKE ME WANT TO THROW UP WHEN I OPEN MY BLINDS.


If I ever find the little rats that did this I am going to use my entire Costco size package of toilet paper on their house. I wouldn't egg them back, though, because that would just be juvenile.