Intruder

Last night we can home from our Cinco De Mayo feast at a local restaurant with our bellies much much too full of only so-so food. We sleepily drug ourselves through the door and downstairs to help kids brush their teeth. As we passed the back door my husband noticed that it was unlocked. That is very disturbing in these parts and something we try never ever to do. Who wants to find a naked crazy homeless person in their home (like this woman?), or something like that. Nothing looked disturbed downstairs so we continued getting the kids in bed, though I kind of wish someone had come and stolen my dilapidated entertainment center so I could get a new one.

Later it was just DSSH, Cookie, and me upstairs talking in the kitchen. DSSH went to enter the hallway towards the bathroom when I saw him jump back and stand staring into the hallway. I was sure there was a man holding a gun or something just as bad. It was worse. It was a black, crazy, freaky, 3 inch big spider resting just below eye level on our wall. We stood there staring, then laughing, then nervously trying to decide what to do with it. The spider must have been just as freaked out or he was sedately planning on how to eat us, because he wasn't moving either. I finally grabbed a big glass and a piece of paper and trapped it in the cup. I made DSSH slide the paper under because baby was threatening to make me puke up my tortilla chips. *shudder* It started to spaz out in the cup a little bit. Oh, and Cookie was having a grand ol' time just watching her parents act like wimps. Then hubby made the offhand comment that it looked like a hobo spider. I handed him the cup and ran to the computer and darned if he wasn't right. So my concerns of having a crazy hobo in our home were validated. Normally we just release our spiders back outside, but when you see pictures like this (scroll down to the bottom of the page) you just want the thing dead as dead can be. We flushed it, talked extensively about how freaky it was, sent Cookie off to bed to have nightmares, and got ourselves ready for bed as well. I sent Jon to go check on the kids and he came back rather quickly. "You aren't going to believe this..." Apparently the hobo had brought her boyfriend and he was trying to set up home by our shoe basket. Though he only measured in at a measly 2 1/4 inches he was still rather freaky himself. DSSH decided to kill this one his way, by chucking shoes at it while I laughed and shrieked.

As if going pee 5 times a night weren't annoying enough, now each pot stop takes 5 times as long as I carefully search every shadow and corner for a hidden hobo spider. The lesson here, folks, is to always, always keep your doors locked tight against intruders. But DSSH says that the lesson here is not to keep telling your husband the correlating scenes from Arachnophobia as he tries to save you from the killer spider or as he tries to go to sleep later that night.