Monday, April 30, 2007

My Annual Knock On The Head

It happens to me every year. You would think that I'd be prepared, that I'd be ready to meet it at the door to say, "No thanks, I'm not interested" or, "You better get off my property before I SHOOT!". You might think that I'd remember the fatal outcomes, the damaged self esteem, the lost time, the neglected children. Yet, without fail, every year I put myself through the same torture, the same charade, the same silliness. What am I talking about, you ask? I'm talking about that recurring desire to DO IT ALL. And by all, I mean ALL. Yes folks, the mom who has a hard time keeping her floor swept and her laundry done was going to do it all, once again. I was not only going to continue being a full time SAHM-homeschooler, I was going to start an advice column, I was going to blog wonderful things everyday and make lots of money doing it, I was going to start a co-op, I was going to loose 15 pounds, I was going to exercise everyday and love it, I was going to find lots of ways to make money so I could buy my husband a house, I was going to write a book, I was going to write a line of homeschooling curriculum, I was going to totally landscape my yard, AND I was going to be able to all of this while sitting in my bathrobe, eating ice cream, and watching old black and white movies.

Use your imagination folks and I'm sure you can come close to the wreck I made of myself these past few months. I had moments of lucid reason, but most of the time I just sat around beating myself up for not being Wonder Woman. So, last week I decided to "HOLD EVERYTHING"! and just take it easy on myself. I took that time to re-examine the goals I had set for myself at the beginning of this year. I prayed, read my old journals, talked with my husband, talked with my kids. I had amazing epiphanies, heart felt revelations, and received all the answers I was asking for. I would call it a life changing, beautiful experience, if it weren't for the fact that I seem to go through this almost every year. How many times do I have to ask the Lord to hit me on the head to make me realize that my first priority, my first obligation, my first desire is to be a good mother and wife, to raise up a family that will please my Father in Heaven and prepare me for my eternal duties in the here-after?

Now, I am not saying that I shouldn't do more, but I should at least be performing my first duties well before I take on more (and, no, I'm not doing them well even by my standards and mine aren't all that high). So, once again I am nicely folding, stacking, and labeling all my crazy wild schemes and storing them in my "when the kids are older" closet and focusing on the tasks at hand, which are:
Homeschool well
Continue to rebuild my relationship with Cookie
Be frugal with our money (I used to be but I've been enjoying having money and I've lost that desire to "save, Save, SAVE!". I have always said that I can earn more by saving than by working in a part time job)
Keep my home in order
Exercise and be healthy AND happy

Once I feel that I am doing these jobs well (NOT perfect, just well) then I will open up that closet and pick a new task to take on. I will still blog and do my advice column (if people send in questions) but I won't do it unless all my other tasks are taken care of for the day and I happen to have some free relaxing time on my hands.

Maybe my goal for next year will be to not make too many new goals =)



An Ordinary Mom said...

It sounds like you are having a bit of a reality check :) !! I always thought you were an amazing and exceptional person when I first met you ... and I didn't even know about all of these closeted goals you have stored up. You need to remember all the remarkable things you are doing right now in your life - raising your children, loving your husband, keeping your house in order, attending church and fulfilling your calling. Those are already pretty hefty things to accomplish.

You should head on over to Mental Tesserae's site and read her talk about talents. I think you have more hidden talents than you ever dreamed of having ... just remember to use the Lord's standards and not the world's.

Lucy van Pelt said...

Maybe next year, you won't have to learn the same lesson again. Or maybe you will. I'm sure it was a little different this time than last time. :-)

I have to remind myself to focus on what's important and good in my life and I think it's a lot harder than it sounds. Goals are good, but focusing on what's in front of you is often even better.