Monday, May 21, 2007

Crazy Dayz and Good Food

Yesterday was kind of a silly day for me at church. Sweet Terror was being more Terror than Sweet. She was quite entertaining to the folks sitting around us as she would loudly proclaim, "No, Daddy! Shhhh, quiet!", or as she would softly stick both hands into my hair then suddenly yank both hands up while loudly asking, "Dis yo heer?". I had to take her out twice. At least I wasn't alone. If we had had two more kids in the hall we would have had the entire nursery class doing hall time for bad behavior. Sacrament Meeting finished and that usually spells total freedom from the Sweet Terror for a whole glorious two hours as she goes to nursery. She calls nursery, "Toy Class". All through Sacrament she will say, "Uh, toy class, uh toy class?". So I quickly deposit my baby in the terrible two room and high-tail it to my primary calling (I'm the secretary). While in primary I am constantly having to tell Monster Man to be reverent. He always seems shocked to find out that certain actions do not qualify as reverent, such as shooting people with finger guns, laying on his back with his feet in the air, or jumping in his seat while saying, "Pick me, pick me, I'm reverent!". At one point his teacher (a lovely woman who already has 2 squirmy kids sitting in her lap) calls him over to whisper to him about reverence. Monster Man is leaning close to her, with his hands around her neck, and listening then everyone hears him say, "Ok, teacher. Hey can I give you the Biggest Hug Ever?". My head shoots up, I lunge forward in slow motion, reaching for Sister K, all the time screaming in my head, "NOOOooooooo". I've told you all about the Biggest Hug Ever, haven't I? I've told you all about Monster Man's unholy level of strength, haven't I? When Monster Man offers you a "Biggest Hug Ever", he is really asking if you would like him to decapitate you with his chubby little arms. Luckily Sister K survived, head intact. I think the two kids on her lap prevented him from getting the full leverage needed to complete the decapitation. I resume my normal duties when Sister B gets up to teach her lesson. I'm feeling calm at the moment so I offer to watch Rufus for her.

Rufus is a service dog in training. He ain't no German Shepherd. This guy is the size of a pony. Seriously. He has to be big because he has to be able to carry a full grown, 165 pound man, Sis B's son who is a quadriplegic. If I were to put a saddle on him I could easily take him for a Sunday's canter around the neighborhood without even making him break a sweat. So, I feel rather brave for offering to watch him. Luckily he is usually a very well behaved creature. He was laying calmly on the floor as I sat taking attendance. Then, "Woooosh", I feel the air current move as he moves his gargantuous body up. I quickly grab onto the handle of his vest and maneuver him out to the hall so he doesn't get the kids riled up. If he ever took off running I would either loose my arm or be carried away with him. but he is good. As I take him out I am met by Sis. W who tells me that Sweet Terror is about to be kicked out of nursery for bad behavior. "Dang it all and rasslefrazzlencamelpoop!" I think to myself. I heave Rufus toward the nursery in time to collect the psychotic terror that comes out screaming and pulling her hair. Apparently when they asked her to sit down for snack time she picked up her snack, chucked it at them, threw her cup to the floor, ran under the table to scream, etc... So, I spent the rest of church in the hall with Behemouth Dog and Sweet Terror. The depressing part is that the dog was better trained than my little rose. On the way home S.T. screamed about leaving church, screamed about being put in the car, screamed about being taken out of the car, screamed about being put in the house, threw her lunch on the floor, screamed and kicked about taking a nap, and promptly fell asleep.
Now, after a day like that I usually want several BIG bowls of ice cream to freeze out my headache. Alas! My freezer had betrayed me and there was not even a spoonful left of the sweet cold stuffs that would bring me peace. So instead I settled for making my favorite salsa and yummy no bake cookies.
Lizzy's Favorite Salsa (this is the lazy Sunday quick version):

Seed and chop 1/2 cucumber
Seed and chop one large tomato, or three roma tomatoes
Chop 1/2 medium onion
Seed and chop 1/2 bell pepper
Mince a good handful of cilantro
Stir together with some garlic salt
Liberally shake on Green Tabasco Sauce (it must be green).
A couple splashes of lemon juice, a good stir, some yummy chips and sour cream, and you are good to go.
For full enjoyment, eat when all the kids are down for naps. AAAaaaaahhhh. Food in silence.

P.S. I answered a new question on my advice column. Check it out and let me know what you think.


An Ordinary Mom said...

Your sweet terror reminds me of my sweet terror in the grocery store today. He shrieked and screamed because I would not get him new hot wheel cars and I wasn't about to leave just because he was making a scene. I kept on shopping. At least he calmed down once we left, but my head is still pounding.

I think we need a girls night out ice cream date.

I would love to sit with a dog during church. It would probably be easier to manage than a toddler!

Cellista said...

Cute dress. Cuter bellybutton! I used to show everyone mine at that age, or so I've been told. Church sounds really fun for you! We had a great Sunday, we went to my parents' Stake Conference where I got to sit by my husband for a change and 2 of the 3 fell asleep for the entire 2 hours! It was fabulous. Salsa sounds yummy too!