I Really Do Homeschool

I know you wouldn't be able to tell just from reading my blog, but I really am a homeschooling mom. I don't often post about my kids because my blog is usually used as an escape from my daily duties as mother (Does that make me sound awful? Too bad). Today I took the kids to a local beach park and as they gathered seashells, built driftwood forts, and splashed in the freezing cold waves, I took some time to ponder over this year's homeschooling schedule. In past years I've fully enjoyed a lackadaisical, sort of fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants approach to education. However, now that the kids are older, and now that we have to factor in Cookie's public school schedule, I find that I really do need to have a method to my madness here. I pulled out some bright little yellow index cards, that I keep in my purse for just such occasions, and began writing. Now, I have to try and make some sense out of all these scribbles. The times I give are not starting times but ending times, so I must finish each thing by the time given. If it doesn't have a weekday next to it then it is done everyday Mon-Fri

6:25 Wake up and JUMP out of bed
6:45 Make bed, pick up room, shake my booty till DSSH gets out of the shower.
6:55 Put on running clothes, family prayers, kiss DSSH good bye (I'm such a good wife)
7:30 Run or shake booty for 1/2 hour
8:00 Unload Dishes, dress kids, get them to do whatever chores I can
8:30 Scripture memorization with kids, quick prayer, take Cookie to school
9:30 Reading time
10:15 Math Lessons
11:00 Personal Folder Seat Work
11:15 lunch
1:30 LOVELY QUIET TIME All kids will take a nap or read quietly in bed. Usually I just eat and veg-out during this time. This year I want to do more with this free time.
Mon: Do a deep clean in one area of the home and write a letter to a loved one.
Tue: Answer a Little Miss Knowitall (I haven't answered one in way too long), Do something artistic, or work on my writing projects.
Wed: Watch a movie and enjoy a yummy snack (Hey, I'm still human).
Thur: Do a sewing project and work on church calling duties.
Fri: Wild Card do what I want to day.

2:30 History or Science (Or both if I'm having a SUPER MOM day)
3:00 Pack up kids and walk to Cookie's school to pick her up.
4:30 Have kids finish their chores, prep dinner, and have Cookie do her homework.
5:30 Do something interactive and fun with kids
Mon: Play Board Games
Tue: Math Games
Wed: Run Errands (Sorry kids, it's gotta happen sometime)
Thur: Outing to museum
Fri: Art project

6:30 "All right, everyone downstairs and give mom some peace and quiet so I can still love you."
7:00 Finish making dinner, have kids set table.
8:55 Family scriptures, prayers, brush kids' teeth, spank and send kids to bed.
9:55 Enjoy a quiet moment with DSSH
10:00 ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (I wish it were that easy)

Being realistic, though, I plan to crash and burn every Wednesday (and every other Thursday as well). Those are the days when I will eat embarrassing amounts of ice cream, watch every Cary Grant movie I own, and talk to my sister until her husband cuts their phone line.

This craziness will start on the morning of September 4th. Wish me luck!

Bribery Is My Last Hope

Before I had children I saw many things in black and white. Right and wrong. Good and bad. Then my little angels came into my life. I've tried to hold on to my staunch ideals but, when the whining starts and my sanity is slipping, every now and then the blacks and whites just start swirling into a mass of fluctuating greys. Take bribery, for instance. It is wrong. 'Nuff said.... right? Weeeeeell, it is wrong, but....... ok, what if you are out in public, and your baby is screaming, and scratching your face, and you know she should be home in bed, but you are all out of toilet paper, and you might as well do all your shopping now that you are there, and if she will just hold on another 10 minutes you can make it through the checkout line? Is it so very wrong to grab a little box of animal crackers off the stand next to you, rip it open and shove them into your "angel's" mouth? And then wouldn't that make it unfair that the rest of the kids didn't get a treat just because they weren't screaming too? So, I buy them all a 50 cent box of animal crackers. Suddenly I realize that good+bad=goad and that is just what my kids have done. They have goaded me into buying them a treat and now I will have to spend a lifetime trying to reestablish that delicate boundary between good and bad.

Well, my friends, once again that boundary is going to bend.

I have picky kids. I am not blameless in this. I love food and I dislike the idea of fighting over every meal. I have read lots of books on the subject, tried many "kid friendly" recipes, and even threatened one time, "if you don't put this corn in your mouth and chew it and swallow it, right now, I am going to spank you and it will hurt." (I plead Tired Mother Insanity for that last one). In the end though it always comes to the point that if they don't want to eat it, they are NOT going to eat it, unless you make them (and, boy, they would just like to see you try...). So, this last Saturday I decided that my children were ALL going to eat their green beans. They have all eaten green beans before but they like taking turns adamantly refusing to eat them. So, I made chocolate chip cookies to bribe them. Two angels went to bed with chocolate coated lips. The other two went to bed still screaming about not getting a cookie. I went to bed with a migraine, a guilty conscience, another book, and a strengthened desire to get my kids to taste new things. I don't care if my kids have dislikes. After all, nothing will ever get me to like raisins in cookies or Marciano cherries. What bothers me is when they won't try something or when they just decide not to like something all of a sudden and refuse to give it another chance.

Here comes my grey version of a bribe. I like to call it a reward. You call it what ever you want.

I am going to make a "Picky Bank" for each of my children. They will be on a shelf in our dining area. For every first taste they take I will put in a penny and the second one gets two pennies (no more after that, they have tasted it and if they don't like it for what it is so be it). For every serving of veggies, eaten all gone, I will put in 3 pennies. At the end of the month the money is theirs. I know that Cookie's bank will fill up fast. She is by far my best eater (picky wise) and that should make for hearty competition. This may end up being a bad idea. My children may tell their therapists about it later in life. Too bad, because if I don't find SOMETHING to improve our dinners I am going to need my own therapist. And, if it works, I will write a million dollar book so that I can afford to just give my kids McDonalds every night.

Why, Thank You!

I am laying here, in my bed, running my tongue over my teeth. You know you have bad morning breath when you can feel how stinky it's gonna be. I mentally reflect on the irony of morning breath. Why is it that my morning breath is always worse on the morning after a really good night time brushing, flossing, and Listerining? I have heard that chewing sugar free gum is the best way to keep your mouth clean, but I tried the whole Chew-your-gum while-you-sleep trick when I was seven, and it didn't end well. I get up to rebrush my teeth... WOHHHHAAAAA!!! Yikes! I know better than to rush at a mirror first thing in the morning. What was I thinking? I love my new short hair, but you should see the freaky bed head reflecting back at me in the mirror every morning now. I step on the scale, trying to hear the FLY lady in my head saying, "Your weight is not a reflection of who you are, it is just a number." I wish my scale was still in preschool and couldn't count so high. Now I sit down to my computer and reflect upon my yesterday, hoping to remember something bloggable. Que es eso? Surprise surprise! My good friend that people rightly call An EtraOrdinary Mom has awarded me a beautiful button and the Blogger Reflection Award. I somehow managed to meet the lovely criteria which is:

This award should make you reflect on five bloggers who have been an encouragement, a source of love, impacted you in some way, and have been a Godly example to you. Five Bloggers who when you reflect on them you get a sense of pride and joy... of knowing them and being blessed by them.

Thank you Lucy, though I think you meet the criteria FAR better than I do (I can't award it right back to you, can I?). You have started my day with a smile and a warm feeling inside =).
I am now supposed to award this to 5 others. This will demonstrate how small my blogging world is because I will probably award the same people that I tag for memes.

Well, I am sure I am breaking a major Blog Award rule but An Ordinary Mom really would be my first choice for this award. Lucy is constantly reading, learning, sharing what she learns, and always makes every bad situation turn into a happy ending. I love her honesty and willingness to share personal trials on her blog. She is human, but I think she is perfect in her imperfections. I always go to her blog to learn, contemplate, and to come away feeling better about life.

Cellista, I know I always tag you with memes but I love picking the brains of people like you. you set such a good example for me as far as being a mom and a homeschooler. You have often made me reflect upon my own mothering habits and homeschool goals and I will always read your blog for those.

Misty of Living in Spin Cycle because she has so much fun with her kids. The way she talks about her kids makes me turn of my computer and go play with mine, and that really deserves an award.

And Rachel from Left Handed because she makes me think. AND she is an artist which always makes me think. AND she is still living the life of a young woman. Technically I am still young, I just live an older life, so I like reading the blogs of people around my age who are still living young. It helps me to act my age =)

I'm supposed to have a fifth but she doesn't have a blog. I would award it to my sister Jenni. Everyday she helps me through my silly problems, keeps me sane, and reminds me WHY we are always trying to do better. I always end our conversations with something new to think about through my day. THANKS SIS!!!

And now I will also do a meme that I was tagged with by Cellista (it's only fair).
4 THINGS ABOUT ME:
4 Jobs I've had:
1. Waitress and potato peeler at Big Jud's Diner
2. Sandwich maker and floor mopper at Blimpies Sub and Salads
3. Greasy Girl at Schucks Auto Supply
4. I also spent 6 hours as a telemarketer. I still feel like I should write apology letters to the people I called.

4 places I have lived:
1. Rigby Idaho
2. Saratoga Springs N.Y.
3. Boise, Idaho
4. Seattle, WA

4 countries that I have been to on vacation: I hereby change this one to 4 crazy dreams I still hold onto:
1. To make custom designer jeans.
2. Starting a restaurant
3. Becoming a marriage counselor
4. Writing something and having it published

4 of my favorite foods: (these are random favorites)
1. White chocolate macadamia nut cookies from Subway
2. Breyers Sarah Lee Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream
3. Vegetables. Every meal must have them. Meat, bread, cheese, oil, they only accompany the vegetable, it is the vegetable that MAKES the meal.
4. Coleslaw. I LOVE good coleslaw!

4 places I would rather be right now: (it isn't so much where you go, but what you do when you get there)
1. Running around my block
2. Eating at Bahama Breeze (if you ever go there, call me so I can tell you what to order)
3. Jet Skiing on Lake Chelan
4. Sitting in my Grandpa's living room, just shooting the breeze and trading gibes

4 people I'm tagging:
I'm leaving this one open to anyone else that wants to play along (let me know if you do)

Another Writeaway Contest Entry

Here is another entry for Scribbit's monthly Writeaway Contest. I am hoping to make the deadline with this as I send it in very very last minute (Sorry about that Michelle). Wish me luck!

Collecting Ideals

Miss Abigail collects Teddy Bears. She has since she was eight years old. Stacey Lane collects boyfriends and plans to keep on collecting even after marriage. Mickey Harrison still has every Lego set he has ever bought, each in its original box. Grandma Clara’s house is wallpapered in Beanie Babies and she is still accepting them at every Christmas and birthday. That imp down the street, little Joe Ricks, likes to squish spiders on paper and keeps each and everyone of them tacked up on a cork board in his room. And me? Dare I tell you? Aw, why not. I collect lizards, but please, I beg of you, don’t tell anyone. I made that mistake once and I’ll never make it again. Tell someone what you collect and soon you’ll have so much of it, it’ll ruin the fun of it.

People all over America are collecting something. Oh, I’m sure they do it in other parts of the world, but I don’t think it is as prevalent or as desperate an action as it is here. I think it may be because we are all so affluent here, and everyone feels they have the ability, and therefore, the right to own lots of… something. Now I think that is why it is so common to collect here, but I don’t give this as a reason for why we actually collect. There are so many reasons for collecting I’d have to write a thesis paper to cover them all. You know, it isn’t even an exclusively human action, either. Animals, too, have their own reasons for starting collections. Squirrels and crows have been found collecting hoards of shiny objects for no apparent reason than that they are pretty; while Bowerbirds collect bones, glass, and all manner of things in order to impress and catch a mate. So what is the human’s reason for collecting?

Usually I tell people that I collect lizards because I think they are cool and “Lizard” has been a nick name of mine for most of my life. However, when I look deeper than the obvious I find a much more philosophical reason for owning lizard earrings, bracelets, t-shirts, broaches, and even a tattoo on my foot. I realize that I was collecting proof of an identity. If I couldn’t make it as a “smart chick,” or “artistic,” I could always make do with a “that crazy lizard girl” title. And if you thought about it, I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard to guess that little Joey Ricks only squished a spider on paper to see what it would look like; but after the reaction he received from his sisters he went in search of more spiders just to prove how “gross” and “freaky” he could be. Grandma Clara has often thought of getting rid of all those Beanie Babies, honestly she has. Yet, every time she reaches up to take one off its shelf she just can’t. She has lost a husband, all her children are grown and gone, and she rarely gets to see her grandchildren, but those beanie babies are hers and they won’t leave her. Mickey Harrison’s wife has teased him about his storage bins full of untouched Legos, his children have begged him to let them play with them. He never explains why because even he doesn’t realize why he keeps them. In a moment of deep thought he figured it was because he had married and started a family at a young age and he was just holding on to his childhood. I wonder if he would ever connect it to that day when his father gave him his first little Lego set. I wonder if he remembers the way his heart pounded as his father actually got down on the floor with him to “Play Legos” and how neat and methodical his father was about building that Lego space ship and then carefully putting all the pieces back in their box so as not to loose any of the small pieces. Does every one of his Lego sets represent a moment with his father that he wished he’d had again? And while Stacey can tell herself that she only collect boyfriends because she can, well, I think we all know better and we all pity her for it. As much as I dislike Teddy Bear collections, and really I do, I will never be able to fault Miss Abigail for hers. If you ask she will shyly shrug her shoulders and reply, “They just make me happy.” So they should, for the first five bears in her collection were given to her as tokens of honest love, and who wouldn’t want to collect love? Still, I can’t stop myself from wishing she would collect the kind of love that doesn’t take up so much space, or collect so much dust.

Now, as I hold these ugly wooden Oaxacan lizard earrings that someone gave me over the box to Goodwill, I hesitate. Then I remind myself that my identity is not in those earrings, those earrings are not me. I still hesitate, then, finally let them fall into the box. I turn off the light and leave the room. Guiltily I sneak back in and steal back my own earrings, my own ugly piece of identity. Oh well, maybe next year I will be ready to believe in me.

(**Disclaimer: To friends and family, while I know people who do indeed have the collections I mention here I must state that I know for a fact that they do not collect them for the reasons I mention here. This is merely a piece of introspective fiction. Though the spider and lizard parts are true, because those are mine.)

Just Three Servings A Day

I am constantly trying to revamp myself, to kick myself back into gear, to improve myself. Really I just keep getting lazy and have to kick myself in the you-know-whatty. Over the Christmas holidays my mother and I decided to help each other loose weight and get fit. We did some fun gimmicky things to get our rears in gear and I lost an awesome 15 pounds and she lost like 20 or 25. The only problem??? I was hating myself the whole time. Every time I gained a pound or broke down and stuffed my face, or woke up and couldn't face another day on the exercise ball I would berate myself and pretty much hate myself. It stunk. I was angry a lot, I started to say mean things about myself (in a joking manner, but it was still mean), it made me understand why women hate dieting. I've never been a dieter and I've always been happy... until I decided to diet. Never, ever, mehver, whever, shmever will I DIEt again. At the pique of my self abuse I bought a great book called Body Clutter. It is written by Marla Cilley, who created FLY Lady, and Leanne Ely, who started Saving Dinner. These gals are great. They are honest, loving, firm, openly Christian, and leave you with no excuses. The biggest point the book made was that you can't go through life being mean to yourself. You shouldn't diet because you hate your body. You should eat right and exercise because you love your body and want to take care of it.

After reading it and doing what it said I really did find my self-love again and felt my old happy self again. In fact, it even helped me get my hair cut. I have been wanting to get my hair cut very short for 3 years now but I had told myself that I wouldn't get it cut until I was at my goal weight. I could never get to that goal weight and my hair just kept growing and I began to hate it after awhile. After reading this book I realized I was punishing myself for not being a certain weight and that was wrong. I went and got all that hair chopped off and I LOVE looking in the mirror again. Now, before anyone gets the wrong impression... I can't tout this as a weight loss book yet. In fact I actually regained those lost 15 pounds. Am I beating myself up for that? No. But I am slowly doing things that are right for me and I am not being mean to myself anymore. I do feel that my current weight isn't the best for me but only because I know that I'm carrying around 10 pounds that wouldn't be there if I were to do things a bit differently. I have always said that the only way to remove bad things in your life is to do so many good things that you simply don't have time for the bad. I also believe in baby steps and doing things that will make you happy, not miserable. So, here is my plan: I will try to do just one good thing every day in three different areas of my life.

Feeding My Spirit (I know I feel more confident when I have cared for ME, not mom, wife, friend, or church goer, but ME. To do that I just need to do one of these during the day.)

Read my scriptures

Study my Spanish

Do something artistic

Practice piano

Answer a Miss Knowitall question

Work on my novel

Write a letter to someone

Do a personal service project

Do my Visiting Teaching

Keeping My Body In Tune (Now I don't have to feel like a spineless ninny for eating carmel popcorn. I just have to do at least one of these to stay on track. The funny thing is that after doing one of these I usually don't need or even want the carmel popcorn, but if I do I don't have to feel guilty)

Go for a run

Do some indoor exercises

Eat a TON of veggies through out the day

No bad food for a whole day

No long sit downs for one day

Do some yard work

Clean the house (You know, the kind of clean where you know you've had a good workout)

Dance around as i go through the house

Building A Better Relationship With My Children to find Joy In Motherhood Again (It is amazing how quickly relationships with children can be built when you put forth just a bit of effort)

Play a board game

Read to them

Play with them

Do an art project with them

Participate in an outing (I often take them to the park, library, or museum. But now I want to interact with them while we are there, not just merely keep them in eyesight.)

~I would have made this a family section but we have that down pat. DSSH and I are on par with each other and we are a great team. I just forget to keep going when he isn't around.

I have been doing this for three days now and so far I am loving it. I was sadly shown how badly I've needed to do this when I asked Pablo if he wanted to play a board game with me and he didn't understand. I repeated the offer and he pointedly said, "But, you don't play with us". Well, I do now and it is great. I don't know when or why I stopped doing these basic things, but I know that they are the building blocks of a happy life.

Ten Years Of Wonderfulness

(Kim, Thanks for the idea to enter this post over at Real Life. Anyone else care to brag about their man?)
Have you ever laughed so hard that you couldn't breath? Have you ever laughed so wildly that you drooled? Have you ever laughed for so long that you gave yourself abs of steel (or at least should have because they hurt so bad)? Have you ever laughed this hard as a result of feeling more freedom than you ever thought possible? Well, prepare to be jealous... I have.

This last weekend my wonderful Hubby, of ten very eventful years, took me out on a four day getaway. We flew my sister in to watch the kids (which will lead to tomorrow's rant on Delta Airlines), and ran away together. We started our evening walking around downtown Seattle, WITHOUT KIDS =) Our first stop was an art gallery, WITHOUT KIDS.... Ok, I'll stop that, but it really is a whole new experience for me doing all this without kids. It was so fun going to an art gallery. I used to stop and look around every art gallery that came my way, so this made me feel young again. While there I learned of an art method that I had never heard of before called Encaustic, which is a style of "painting" with wax. I collected all this great information on the artist and the technique and even had a small printout of my favorite piece to share with you but, alas, it was not to be as I left it all on the table of the last restaurant we went to. Bringing me to the food...

I was finally able to enjoy a plate of the famous Seven Flavor Beef at Wild Ginger

"Flank steak fragrant with the seven flavors of lemongrass, peanuts, hoisin, chilies, basil, garlic and ginger is quickly dry fried resulting in a complex, intensely flavored beef". And boy was it intense. I have never tasted anything so jam packed with flavor before. It was delicious.

For dessert we went to The Met and had what I personally know to be the best Creme Brulee that humans can make. They nicely translate it for you and call it burnt cream. I could try to describe it but I won't. Just trust me when I say that it is good enough to make you roll your eyes while saying, "Oooohhhh, yummmmmmmm," as you lick your spoon. Better share it because you'll never be able to finish anything this good all by yourself.

Then ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------No, I'm not going to tell you EVERYthing. I'm just not that kind of a lady.

Skip to driving around in a really cool rental car (much cooler than my minivan) through beautiful scenic hills and trees, into a quaint little place called Leavenworth. Ya, vould you like some bratvurst? It is a verifiable tourist trap, but fun nonetheless. Every building is built to look like you are in a Bavarian village. Even the McDonalds had cute little white washed spires poking out of its village-like roof. There were a lot of fun shops there for window shopping. We bought some fudge at the Fudge Hut, I highly recommend the Mint and the Raspberry Cheesecake fudges (and I don't even like fudge). Then we went to a fun Australian shop they had there and DSSH bought me two of my favorite presents. An awesome hat that totally screams LIZ and a Cane Toad coin purse. Yeah, I'm weird like that.

After eating some authentic but tasty enough beef rouladen, we headed towards the final destination: Wapato Point Resort on Lake Chelan. We had a simple yet cosy one room suite. The bedroom was up in a loft over the living room which was fun (it made me feel like a kid. I always loved loft rooms as a kid). The resort was lovely, the scenery was magnificent, the atmosphere was extremely peaceful and happy. All around us were people that were fully intent on having fun and enjoying life. And this all brings us to the laughing, to the freedom, to the sheer exhilaration that can only be found on a ........

JET SKI

DSSH told me we were renting a jet ski and foolishly, because I'd never ridden one, thought "Aw, I wish he would have rented a boat instead". I should know by now never to second guess my amazing man because he is always right. We went out on the water and DSSH drove first. He was being smart and testing the vehicle. Seeing how to make it stop and how it handled and then we took off down the lake. Lake Chelan is a great lake for Jet Skiing because the gorgeous thing never ends. All around you are mountains and lovely homes but the lake is so long you just never seem to reach the end or the beginning of it. So, we drive out forever while I enjoyed the ride and the view. Then DSSH makes a brash mistake. He says the two words that he will regret for weeks to come, "Your turn". Now, you have to understand, I grew up watching Miami Vice and James Bond. I also have no fear of death. I also LOVE to be scared. Need I say more? I squeezed the gas as far as it would go and hit every wake at an angle for maximum lift and I have never screamed and laughed so hard in my life. As the wind was rushing through my hair, and the water was splashing in my face, and every jump and turn brought the possibility of broken appendages, I laughed. Every time DSSH yelled over my shoulder "You are crazy!" I laughed. With every increase of speed I laughed. With every thought of, "We're going to die!" I laughed. I laughed so hard that at one point I had to stop the ride just to regain my breath. Never have I felt so free. I tried to explain it to DSSH. In that crazy moment there were no seat belts, no speed limits, no yellow or white lines, no children, no dishes, no boundaries, no responsibilities, no manners, no fashion, no hair dos, no makeup, no phone calls, no alarm clocks, nothing but holding on for dear life and racing against the worries I had left behind. I raced them, and I won. Never, if I live to be 100, will I forget what my DSSH gave me that day. Never will I be able to show him my full gratitude for sitting behind, letting me risk his life, while giving me the courage to be so crazy. Because through it all, I knew that as long as he was behind me we would be ok. He let me be as wild and crazy as I needed to be just then, while making sure that I never went too far over the edge. And for that I can never love him enough.

With my DSSH by my side I know that I can survive many more years in this crazy world.

Thank you for this, my love.

My Mouth Is Happy

Oh. Wait! What am I blubbering about? I still have plenty to blog about. Like my dinner. What do you get when you combine:




+






+

????

You get a PLT. No, no, I know my alphabet. Not a BLT, a PLT. Pepperoni, lettuce, and tomato. Really it should be called a PLTM because the Mayo is really just as important as any of the other ingredients. The secret to this delectable sandwich is getting the pepperonies crispy. Place a paper towel, or two, on a plate and cover it with pepperoni (in a single layer, but it is okay if they overlap a little), then cover that with one more paper towel in order to catch splatters. Microwave on high for a minute or two until crispy, it will crisp more as it cools. Then build as you would your favorite BLT. I always like to smash mine and cut in half for easier eating.
I actually prefer these over BLTs because the flavor is so much more intense. Also, don't be turned off by this just because of the pepperoni. I HATE pepperoni pizza. This is pretty much the only way I will eat pepperoni, actually. Not to mention the fact that microwaving pepperoni is SO much easier and cleaner than frying up a bunch of bacon. Enjoy!

The Summer Of Not A Lot Of Blogging

Ok, so I have a ton of great stories to tell from my Idaho trip and I even took lots of photos to go with those stories but I can't download them and it is really ticking me off. So, I wasted most of last week waiting for the pictures to work and now I'm heading out of town again. I'm sorry I'm not much of a blogger this summer. I really do enjoy blogging. Ah well. Maybe when I return from this next trip things will get back into a routine where I can have my writing time again. Until then, I hope you you won't give up on me, and I hope you are all enjoying your summer as much as I am =).

(No, this isn't a picture of me and the kids. Although I have blown up enough water inflateables to deserve a bikiniable body like this lady has.)

Running and Ranch

Never, ever, look out the window while licking a spoon covered in ranch dressing (or while engaging in any other guilty eating) because you might see this: And it will totally ruin that last lovely lick of Ranch. Trust me, I know, because today I was enjoying just such a stream of awful eating when I saw just such a woman rush past my window. I think I was at my worst when I was dipping half of an olive oil and sun-dried tomato potato chip in sour cream and covering the other half of it with easy cheese. I'll spare you any further details besides the fact that it ended with the Ranched spoon licking and a pile of dirty dishes. This all adds up to the perfect kind of day for accepting a lovely meme that Misty of Living In Spin Cycle tagged me for entitled:

THE MOANING MEME

4 things that should be removed from off the face of the earth:
1. Pores. i was born with large pores, which means large zits. i am 29 and i still have MAJOR breakouts (right now I have the Hawaiian Islands growing around my jaw line)
2. Steep hills. I have a phobia of steep hills that is slowly improving because I live in Seattle.
3. Computer problems. I become ridiculously angry when a computer does not do exactly what I want it to do. It is obvious that men invented them. If women had invented computers they would have been programmed to read minds.
4. Fat. I think I covered this one with the Ranch comment above, thank you very much.
5. (I know it is supposed to be 4 but i'm on a roll now) My lousy shift button. it never capitalizes my "i"s so i have to take a lot of time to go back and fix them all while holding my lousy shift button down ridiculously hard. By the way, i'm not fixing them in this post.

3 things people do that make you want to shake them violently:
1. Whine. Yes i am a hypocrite.
2. Lie. When people lie to me it feels like they think i'm the stupidest person on earth. I'm not!
3. Tease me after it is obvious that i'm not in the mood.

2 things you find yourself moaning about:
1. My weight/body shape. it makes me mad that i even care. i'm not in bad shape, but i definitely don't like what sits in my lap when i go potty.
2. What the kids did wrong through the day. Every night i tell myself i will NOT tell DSSH anything negative. i will only tell about the positive. But the bad always comes rushing out of mouth. It's as if i want a meddle of honor for having endured my own children every night, and my kids aren't even bad.

1 thing the above answers tell you about yourself.
1. i have life really good and should stop whining.

Thank you Misty. I found this meme to be quite theraputic. Misery loves company so I'm going to tag:
Lucy
Becky
Cellista
Shark Daddy
and Rachel

Driving In Cars With Boys

When, exactly, does "E" mean empty? Not depleting, not running out, but empty, as in all gone, as in not a drop left? If you are a Seinfeld lover then you may remember the episode in which they dared ask this very question. I'm no Kramer and I've always been content with refueling several bars before the "E". The only things that ever stop me from premature fill ups are laziness, procrastination, cheapness, and a lack of gas stations for miles on end while taking a very long road trip with all four kids and no husband.

We were driving through Montana at this point (normally I drive through Oregon so I was a bit unfamiliar with the territory). I notice that the gas is less than half full so I think, "Better keep my eye out for a station." I see one about 10 minutes later but tell myself, "Oh, that is in a little po-dunk way side. They always charge too much. There should be another stop in the next 45 minutes or so and I have plenty of gas too see me that far." Well, don't count your gallons before they are burned. We drove on past that little po-dunk station and then didn't see another for longer than I care to remember. Our car has one of those little over head displays that show the direction you are traveling, the current miles per gallon, the average miles per gallon, and the estimated miles you have left from what ever is still in your tank. Well, the further we drove, and the longer we went without seeing a station in sight, I began to worry. I turned on that "miles left" display just before the gauge hit that big ol' "E". It said we had 27 miles left on our tank.

"Kids... Hey you guys?... HEY! Listen to mommy for just a minute. Ok guys, we are running really low on gas and we need to try and make it to a gas station. I need you all to be quiet while mommy worries. It would also really help if we all say a silent prayer to Heavenly Father to ask Him to help us get to a gas station and to be safe." Worry is a great thing for getting kids to be quiet.

We finally get to an off ramp that has the name of a town, or something, next to it. I could take it and hope that it leads into a town with a gas station, but I don't see any lights and I only have 17 miles left, according to the lit display. A sign says that there is another off ramp in 10 miles. 17 is just an estimate, it could be high or low. I feel strongly to just keep going and keep praying. Pablo is the family worrier and he is watching the mileage countdown and keeping me alerted, unnecessarily I might add.

"MOM, it says we only have 10 miles left."
"I know, Pablo, but the exit is only 4 miles away, I think we will make it."
"Now it's only 7. Everyone, look, it says only 7. Oh, oh, its only 6 now!"
"Look, look, you guys a gas station just up ahead. See the lights?"
"ONLY 5!"
"It's going to be ok, Pablo, we are exiting right now."
"ONLY 3! Now it's 2! Oh mom I'm so worried"
"Calm down, sweety, we are hear."

I kid you not, folks, we drove in and stopped at the pump with a readout of 1 mile left in our tank. It took over $55 to fill it back up. We were all happy, safe, and very grateful that we didn't get stranded on the side of the road. And now Pablo makes sure to point out every gas station we pass and if we are on the road for more than an hour he asks if we need to get more gas. And so , I will pay for my little mistake for the next several months, I'm sure.

Lesson: Overpriced po-dunk gas is better than nothing.