Monday, February 16, 2009

Nutso

9 Reasons Why I'm Clinically Nutso


1. I whistle Let It Snow all the time. ALL the time, over and over again. I don't even realize I'm whistling it until Mr. Hotness says, "It isn't Christmas!" I've been doing this for years and years. Let it Snow.

2. I have an illogical fear of slopes.

3. My nose is asymmetrical and I obsess about it if left alone with a mirror for too long. I also get freaked out if ears don't match. I have 2 kids with unmatching ears and it freaks me out still.
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4. Sometimes when I'm looking in a mirror, any mirror, I talk to the people behind it who are watching me. I say, "I know you're there," and then I stick my tongue out at them. This way if the government really does have a spy camera in my medicine cabinet mirror I won't look like a fool.
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5. I suffer from insomnia. My husband falls asleep as soon as he looks at his pillow. Sometimes I want to kill him in his sleep.
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6. I don't like chocolate. I've been told this makes me crazy. I just think it tastes like dirt. But apparently I don't mind dirt covered strawberries or dirty pretzels.
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7. I live for the very rare moments (it's only happened twice so far) when someone angrily says to me, "Are you listening to me?" Because when they do I put my hands on my hips, assume a Southern accent and say, "Well, if sumpin' important were to spurt out of that fat faced, tight-white pair-a' lips of yours, I might listen so hard my ears'd fall off. But, seein' how ain't nothin' comin' out, I guess I'm jus' gonna keep 'em on." It took me 2 days of hard thinking back in '95 to come up with that line and I still wait for the opportunity to use it again.
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8. If you tell me your name 100 times I still won't remember it. Seriously, I won't. And if we were best friends in school or just a few years ago I've already forgotten your name. But not your face. If you see me and wonder why I don't come over and say hi it isn't because I don't know you, it's because I'm trying to remember your name and can't. Please take pity on me and tell me your name.
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9. I love Peanut Butter, Mayonnaise, and Pickle sandwiches. I dare you to try one. Ok, fine, I triple dog dare you. Wimp!
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Why do you belong in the nut house?

13 comments:

Annie said...

Gonna pass on the sandwich....ewww! But I don't think you're crazy. Nope. Nada. I think you are a mom...okay, maybe that makes you a little crazy!

ROFL

Or is that they are making you crazy? Hm....

Tirzah said...

That's a awesome list that makes me glad I live so far from you...LOL Actually, I think it would be fun to hang out with you!

I have a song like #1! It's "Tom's Diner"...I'll start in with the doo doo doo doos before I realize it was in my head. It's been at least since high school!

Chocolate on my Cranium said...

See, you've ruined your tastebuds with the peanut butter, mayo, and pickles combo. That's is why you can't really taste the lusciousness of chocolate.

Scribbit said...

Truly clinical :) I cannot imagine trying a PB&PM. Ugh

Becky said...

Dear Lizzy,

My name is Becky.

Love,
Becky

MiaKatia said...

Ok, not liking chocolate does make you crazy, but I am ok with crazy. The sandwich makes me a little queasy even thinking about it.

32 Flavors said...

I like sandwiches made with spaghetti. It's ok to be different. I think underneath we're all crazy...

An Ordinary Mom said...

Ditto to #5 ... it drives be bonkers!

And I love you because you are so unique and proud of it :) !!

Amber M. said...

LOVE the list.

I have also considered justifiable homicide when my husband comes to bed 2 hours after me and is STILL asleep before I am.

CC said...

ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!!

I can't remember names either ;)

Michal said...

number nine was the clincher!:)but i'm crazy, too, so we can still be friends. isn't a willingness to have five children a good enough sign for clinically nuts? not only am i willing, but i've always wanted it and am excited about it, even if i am a basket case post partum.

Laura's Linoleum said...

OK. Love my cousin a little more. The sandwich was introduced to me by Lizzy's late AWESOME father, who has instilled his love for PBP&M sandwiches in me. My creed: DON'T KNOCK IT UNTIL YOU TRY IT!

And, yes, Liz... chocolate is gross in its original form. Try some Ghirardeli MILK (repeat after me ... MILK) chocolate. Forget the dark crap.

My Ice Cream Diary said...

Laura,
Thanks for standing up for me and my sandwich! =)