Nutso

9 Reasons Why I'm Clinically Nutso


1. I whistle Let It Snow all the time. ALL the time, over and over again. I don't even realize I'm whistling it until Mr. Hotness says, "It isn't Christmas!" I've been doing this for years and years. Let it Snow.

2. I have an illogical fear of slopes.

3. My nose is asymmetrical and I obsess about it if left alone with a mirror for too long. I also get freaked out if ears don't match. I have 2 kids with unmatching ears and it freaks me out still.
.

4. Sometimes when I'm looking in a mirror, any mirror, I talk to the people behind it who are watching me. I say, "I know you're there," and then I stick my tongue out at them. This way if the government really does have a spy camera in my medicine cabinet mirror I won't look like a fool.
,

5. I suffer from insomnia. My husband falls asleep as soon as he looks at his pillow. Sometimes I want to kill him in his sleep.
,

6. I don't like chocolate. I've been told this makes me crazy. I just think it tastes like dirt. But apparently I don't mind dirt covered strawberries or dirty pretzels.
,

7. I live for the very rare moments (it's only happened twice so far) when someone angrily says to me, "Are you listening to me?" Because when they do I put my hands on my hips, assume a Southern accent and say, "Well, if sumpin' important were to spurt out of that fat faced, tight-white pair-a' lips of yours, I might listen so hard my ears'd fall off. But, seein' how ain't nothin' comin' out, I guess I'm jus' gonna keep 'em on." It took me 2 days of hard thinking back in '95 to come up with that line and I still wait for the opportunity to use it again.
,

8. If you tell me your name 100 times I still won't remember it. Seriously, I won't. And if we were best friends in school or just a few years ago I've already forgotten your name. But not your face. If you see me and wonder why I don't come over and say hi it isn't because I don't know you, it's because I'm trying to remember your name and can't. Please take pity on me and tell me your name.
,

9. I love Peanut Butter, Mayonnaise, and Pickle sandwiches. I dare you to try one. Ok, fine, I triple dog dare you. Wimp!
,

Why do you belong in the nut house?

This Post Is Brought To You Today By The Letter L

(This L has been rudely swiped from Amy Zaleski Illustration & Lettering. You should check out her blog. She is a fun artist and is desiging every letter of the alphabet in a unique and fun way.)

Tama, from The Twisted Hare (about all things yarny), took pity on me and tagged me for this game. It is nice to have something easy to blog about. =)


SCATTERGORIES...It's harder than it looks! Erase my answers, enter yours, send it on to 10 people including the one that sent this to you. Use the first letter of your first name to answer each of the following. They have to be real places, names, things..nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.



WHAT IS YOUR NAME: Liz, Libby, Lizardo, Frizzy Lizzy

4 LETTER WORD: Love, Lick, Like, Lamb, Loss, Lust, Lips, Loot, Lisp, Lilt

VEHICLE: Love Bug (Oh how I loved this dumb movie when I was little. I refuse to watch the new Lindsey Lohan one though. Fake boobs and Disney just should not mix.)

TV SHOW: Lost (I'm waiting for season 4 to come out on DVD to renew my addiction. I am too impatient to watch one episode a week)

CITY: London (Ok, I am rereading my list and now I'm laughing at myself. I seriously couldn't think of any US cities starting with L. Now I'm thinking of tons of them)

BOY NAME: Les (When I moved from NY to Idaho I thought Les Schwab Tires was pronounced "Lay" Schwab, you know, 'cause it's French. My husband still teases me about this)

GIRL NAME: Louisa Laura Lou Lynn (All one name. This name is only legal in 3 States)

OCCUPATION: Lawyer (Lap Dancer was the first thing that came to mind and it really bothers me that my mind works like that)

SOMETHING YOU WEAR: Leg Warmers (I don't know how to spell leederhozen)

FOOD: Lemon bars, Lemon cheesecake, Lemon sorbet, Lemon Chicken, Lemon-garlic artichoke dipping sauce, Lemon cream pie, (Need I go on?)

SOMETHING FOUND IN A BATHROOM: Lint and Lime Deposits

REASON FOR BEING LATE: Lost my keys (As in everyday, 5 times a day. And, yes, we do have a special place to put them so I won't loose them. Doesn't work)

SOMETHING YOU SHOUT: Look at me when I'm talkin' to you!!!!


I'm not sure who to tag so if you want to do this please leave a link to your post in the comments so I can come read it. Thanks!

From Apologies To Ice Cream

I am so sorry, and am here on my humble knees hoping you will forgive me. In the past two months I have been awarded quite a lot of lovely awards from people that I am honored to be noticed by. And how do I return the compliment? By doing nothing. I kept telling myself, "Oooo, I'll post about that tomorrow." Then I started thinking I would accept them all at once. Then I couldn't remember who had awarded me what and when. If you've been bothered by the fact that I haven't accepted or acknowledged an award please let me know and send me a link to the post where you gave it to me and I will make sure to post about it. I'M SORRY!

Also, I've been tagged twice now for the 7 random things about me meme. I do remember that Tama from The Twisted Hare tagged me, but I can't remember who else did. Please let me know so I can edit this with a link to your blog.

Hopefully you will forgive this addle brained pregnant woman her bloggy faux pas.

7 Random things that happened yesterday:

1. While blogging I heard shouts of, "High-yah!" and "Take that!" only to find that my kids were having a wipey war. They used a whole package of baby wipes and were throwing them at each other. Didn't I say I wasn't going to be on the computer when the kids are awake anymore? I consider myself well reminded.
2. My daughter ran by me in nothing but a diaper... a diaper that had a smiley face drawn on the back of it. Really, even if I have a bad head cold, I need to stay off the computer.
3. There is a matching smiley face drawn on the back of my living room chair and Monster Man seems to be hiding from me. Don't worry, I fully intend to renew my promise to stay off the computer while they are awake.
4. I started sketching out the plans for Cookie and Sweet Terror's painting. I am going to paint both the girls as mermaids. I'm excited for it and hope I can make myself start and finish it in less than 2 months.
5. I have a killer head cold. Seriously killer.
6. When DSSH hubby came home and saw me miserably cooking dinner while sneezing, moaning, coughing, and constantly mumbling, "Now what was I doing? Oh, yeah..." he asked if there were anything he could do to help. I told him, "Yeah, you could rotate the laundry for me, get the kids to do their chores, unload the dishwasher, set the table and finish dinner for me." He paused and then quietly said, "I meant, is there anything I can do for you that I want to do?"
7. Luckily, DSSH was able to buy his way out of marital discord with two pints of Ben and Jerry's and several boxes of flavored Wheat Thins.

Getting a Higher Education

Yay! I'm so happy to see that I've been tagged for a meme by Jen from Lords of The Manor. I'm especially glad because it is late and I don't have the wherewithal to think up a stimulating post at the moment. Here are the details:

Devise a list of 5-10 courses you would take to fix your life. It’s more fun to be in classes with friends, so include one class from the person who tagged you that you’d also like to take. Tag five.

Self Restraint 101. From saying the wrong things to spending too much money, I would really like to be less impulsive. (Jen, I would take this with you. Maybe it would help me keep my foot out of my mouth.)

Parenting With Hypnosis. Wouldn't this just make it all so much easier. You are getting sleepy, and when you awake you will be unable to roll your eyes and love cleaning your room.

Building Addictions To Housework. This would be a pharmaceutical class that would facilitate the use of synthesised hormones that have been found in women who love to clean. It would also teach how to use aversion therapy to train the body to not enjoy sitting and reading a good book, or watching a great black and white movie. (Ok, this one sounds more like a therapy than a class).

Remembering Names 101. Course work would include: How not to forget a name in 5 minutes, How not to forget a name even after you've heard it 15 times, and how not to mix up names ALL the time simply because they have a similar letter somewhere in them.

Remembering Anything 201. This class if for people who already know how to use a calendar but need help in actually looking at what they have written on their calendar. It would also teach how to remember to put your keys on their special little hook, and how to remember that if you suddenly find you have an unexpected amount of free time it is because you have forgotten something that you have scheduled with someone.

Wow, if there really are classes like these I need to hurry up and find them. I can just imagine how awesome I would be after taking classes like these. Pardon me while I day dream. ZZZZZzzzzzz

Now to tag someone else. Hmmmmm. Lets see what you've got:

Lucy

Sea Star

Wonder Years

Tirzah

and Chocolate After Supper

Lizzy 101

Awww, man! I missed my momentous 100th post. Oh well, I'll just have to make do with 101 =). So here is the crash course version of Lizzy 101 (or 101 very random things about me).

1. I was homeschooled until 6th grade.
2. I am one of 7 children.
3. My father passed away at age 42 from cancer.
4. I was 16 when he died.
5. I started school in a brand new state just two days after he died.
6. My mother remarried when I was 18.
7. My step sister was a friend of mine when I was little.
8. I am totally ok with all of this.
9. I love ice cream.
10. I love food.
11. I don't like that I love food so much.
12. I LOVE eating out.
13. I don't eat out often but WAY more than my parents ever did.
14. As a kid fish sticks, tater tots, and spaghetti Os were the coolest food on earth.
15. I still like tater tots.
16. I love The Office
17. I love Dilbert
18. I've never worked in an office.
19. I like lizards, bugs, and other gross things.
20. I really wish I had a pet.
21. I grew up with a Golden Lab Retriever named Crystal.
22. Crystal gave birth to puppies twice.
23. I saw one of her puppies after it had been shot by a farmer.
24. The puppy died but Crystal lived with three bullet scars on her hindquarter.
25. I once brought a hamster back to life with a heating pad, a medicine dropper, warm milk and a lot of gentle massaging.
26. I was always mean to my boyfriends.
27. My husband was never a boyfriend.
28. He was smart and went straight from friend to husband.
29. I was married at 19.
30. I wasn't going to get married until 26... I'm glad I grabbed love when I could.
31. I have curly hair.
32. It is actually a mixture of curly, frizzy, and straight so I have to use a lot of mousse to make it all stick together and look curly.
33. I am much shyer now than I was as a teenager.
34. I have always wanted to sing the theme to Love Boat for karaoke but they never have it in their song list.
35. Whew, this is a long list.
36. I have a hard time finishing things that take me more than 5 minutes to do.
37. I love watching old movies and listening to oldies on the radio.
38. People have mistaken me for being older than I am ever since I was 14.
39. I only feel old when I am doing what should.
40. I like doing weird things.
41. It isn't fair that men can pee so easily. Gross, yes, but it is still unfair.
42. I am a cheap skate.
43. You wouldn't want me to draw your name for Christmas.
44. I wish I had the money to buy my husband a black BMW m5 with cinnamon leather interior.
45. My dream car is a full rebuilt/refurbished VW bus with a custom paint job.
46. DON'T drink out of my cup!!!!
47. DO NOT eat out of the ice cream carton. Get a bowl, or a new spoon with every bite.
48. It bothers me when people are unaware of food on their face and then don't wipe it off when you tell them they do.
49. I hate cleaning.
50. I don't mind a messy house.
51. My table is messy right now because the kids just ate lunch and I'd rather keep listing silly things than get up and clean.
52. I will clean it because the milk is out and that is just wrong.
55. Good enough for now.
56. I have a tattoo of a lizard on my foot.
57. I like my tattoo but I don't recommend getting one to anyone else because if they make a mistake (or if you make one) there is NO going back, unless you want to pay TONS of money to fix your own stupid mistake.
58. Are you still reading this???
59. I like math and hope my children will too.
60. I like to read classics and hope my children will too.
61. I really wish Hollywood would start producing movies worth watching again.
62. Cary Grant is a FABULOUS actor if you watch his movies more than one time. His facial expressions are always spot on.
101. I like to cut corners.

And there you have it.

Running and Ranch

Never, ever, look out the window while licking a spoon covered in ranch dressing (or while engaging in any other guilty eating) because you might see this: And it will totally ruin that last lovely lick of Ranch. Trust me, I know, because today I was enjoying just such a stream of awful eating when I saw just such a woman rush past my window. I think I was at my worst when I was dipping half of an olive oil and sun-dried tomato potato chip in sour cream and covering the other half of it with easy cheese. I'll spare you any further details besides the fact that it ended with the Ranched spoon licking and a pile of dirty dishes. This all adds up to the perfect kind of day for accepting a lovely meme that Misty of Living In Spin Cycle tagged me for entitled:

THE MOANING MEME

4 things that should be removed from off the face of the earth:
1. Pores. i was born with large pores, which means large zits. i am 29 and i still have MAJOR breakouts (right now I have the Hawaiian Islands growing around my jaw line)
2. Steep hills. I have a phobia of steep hills that is slowly improving because I live in Seattle.
3. Computer problems. I become ridiculously angry when a computer does not do exactly what I want it to do. It is obvious that men invented them. If women had invented computers they would have been programmed to read minds.
4. Fat. I think I covered this one with the Ranch comment above, thank you very much.
5. (I know it is supposed to be 4 but i'm on a roll now) My lousy shift button. it never capitalizes my "i"s so i have to take a lot of time to go back and fix them all while holding my lousy shift button down ridiculously hard. By the way, i'm not fixing them in this post.

3 things people do that make you want to shake them violently:
1. Whine. Yes i am a hypocrite.
2. Lie. When people lie to me it feels like they think i'm the stupidest person on earth. I'm not!
3. Tease me after it is obvious that i'm not in the mood.

2 things you find yourself moaning about:
1. My weight/body shape. it makes me mad that i even care. i'm not in bad shape, but i definitely don't like what sits in my lap when i go potty.
2. What the kids did wrong through the day. Every night i tell myself i will NOT tell DSSH anything negative. i will only tell about the positive. But the bad always comes rushing out of mouth. It's as if i want a meddle of honor for having endured my own children every night, and my kids aren't even bad.

1 thing the above answers tell you about yourself.
1. i have life really good and should stop whining.

Thank you Misty. I found this meme to be quite theraputic. Misery loves company so I'm going to tag:
Lucy
Becky
Cellista
Shark Daddy
and Rachel

Poetry

I used to love writing poetry. I can't recall what made me stop. I must have let myself become too practical to have time for it? Well, today I had some fun with it again. Last Friday my DSSH told me about Yahoo answers, (if you know me then you know I love telling people how to run their lives). So, I signed up on yahoo answers so I could start bossing people around. I was having a lot of fun doing that when I noticed they had a literary section. In there I was having fun giving people my interpretations on Shakespeare, etc. From there I noticed that there was a poetry section. For laughs I quickly perused it's offerings. One guy had asked that people quickly write a poem about "secret love" off the top of their head. I decided to take his challenge to see if I still had any words in me. It was so fun that I quickly looked for others like this. Here are the end results of my foray into poetry today:

Quick poem about "Secret Love":

Thrilling and enticing, in its guilt it was discovered
The passion, like embers, can only live when covered
This raging inferno could never stand the test
So secretly it's kept where life will not molest
To bare itself is to kill itself
To ask for more is to hurt yourself
Beautiful in its lies
Expose it and it dies


Write an acrostic poem about food:

Pretty aprons
And time with grandma
No, time will not erase
Cherished moments
A life well shared
Keep love in this space.
Every time I eat one
She smiles from heaven's place


Quickly write a short poem:

Opening my hand, it is easy to do.
Wiggling my fingers, I see you can do it too.
The joints all bend, the muscles all move
With all of this it should be easy to do.
But, somehow, it takes more;
Much more than I posses,
To reach this hand of mine towards yours
And receive your offered caress.

This one isn't a poem, but a definition. Someone asked for the definition of love and I wrote:

Love is the ability and willingness to suffer


It was very fun playing with words again. I think I will do this again, hopefully at least once a week.

Random Thoughts

An Ordinary Mom tagged me for a “Seven Random Things About Me” meme. This shouldn't be too hard for me since my thoughts are pretty random anyway. Hang on for the ride, 'cause here we go...

1. When I found out that the computers in my high school computer lab had minesweeper on them I dedicated a month to getting the highest score on all three levels on every single computer. I had minesweeper wars with my step dad. My score kept getting so good that he finally started photoshopping his score to fake that he was beating me. I still can't stand to see anyone but me have the highest score on that game.

2. I often fantasize about being the only survivor of a plane crash and having to survive on what I can. I have had this fantasy since I was a little girl. No, I don't watch LOST because I'm a T.V. addict so I just don't go there. But I love survival movies, so if you know of any, let me know.

3. I was sad when I reached 9 years of age because I knew that if Indians ever raided our city I wouldn't be adopted anymore, but become a slave, or be killed (or worse).

4. I LOVE peanut butter, mayonnaise, and pickle sandwiches on my Grandma's homemade bread.

5. I want my hair to be boy short. I love it that way. But I also like my hair long and I'm too lazy and cheap to maintain a short haircut. So, every now and then I chop it all off and then let it grow back.

6. I pick my pinky toenails off. Literally off. Then they bleed. It's really gross.

7. I'm eating Subway's white chocolate macadamia nut cookies right now. It's my Birthday and this was DSSH's first present to me.

And, if they are willing, I am going to tag Shark Daddy, Lucy, Becky, Cellista, Laughter Thoughts and The Momma Chronicles. I can't wait to see what randomness you all produce.

MAY 15th, 1978

Happy Happy Birthday Lizzy dear,
Happiness will come to me all year,

If I had a wish, then it would be,

A big cheese cake and ice cream just for me.

I am turning 20 today. Ok, that's a lie. I'm turning 29, but 29 is the standard age that people lie about so I thought I'd lie about being 20 so you would believe me about really being 29.

I thought it might be fun to look back on myself through these years. A lot has happened to me since I came out, all puckered and slimy, into the world. I grew up in very small town Rigby, Idaho. I lived just 5 houses down the street from our red brick chapel. We had a ditch in our back yard and a ball diamond behind that. I grew up wearing jean cutoffs over my swimsuit all summer, because one never knew when mom would take us to Rigby Lake, or when someone would dig a mud pit, or when a neighborhood hose fight would start. Winter was all about the snow. We would get snow drifts 4 feet high and the snow was so crisp you could walk on it. We would dig tunnels and pretend that we were lost and had to forage for ourselves in the winter wonderland.

My best friends were Tiffany (That's us with the matching pigtails, we knew each other from birth and were convinced that we were twins. I'm the blonde one that looks like a boy, yes a boy with pigtails in a hippie dress.) and my cousin, Laura (we are the ones snarfing down on chocolate beaters). It was a carefree, fun life full of sunshine and dirt. When I turned 6 Tiffany moved to Pennsylvania and I thought I would never get over it, but life went on. When I was 8 I found out that I wasn't the only friend in my cousin's life and that broke my heart, but life went on. At 9 my family packed up and moved to mid state N.Y. Everything seemed wet in N.Y., even the air; but I had never seen such forests and trees. I also started public school in N.Y. in the 6th grade (mom had homeschooled all of us). It was the neatest thing to have my own glue sticks, highlighters, even my teacher was just mine.

I grew up fast in N.Y.

and learned a lot about life, boys, social rules, and heart ache. When I was 15 my dad was found to have cancer. In 1 1/2 years I watched my 40 year old dad become an 88 year old feeble man. My mom still had us kids to raise so we moved back to Idaho so she could have the support of her family. We moved to Rexburg, Idaho where my dad lasted long enough to see mom settled in her own home. He passed away on August 19, 1994. It was fun being back in the sunshine and small town life of Idaho again, but I didn't fit in that town. I stayed long enough to graduate (just two years).

I packed up and moved to Boise, Idaho. I loved it there. I was independant for once in my life. I was free of all responsibility except my own survival. Then I had to go and meet a wonderful guy. My DSSH swept me off my feet at the all too young age of 19. By the time I was 20 I had my first baby, she was born a week after our one year anniversary, so don't bother counting ;)

The rest of the story is pretty much a "They lived Happily Ever After" story. I now have 4 beautiful kids, live near Seattle, WA, still love my husband with a passion beyond words, and have always felt that my life has been the best I know of.

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

And in case you want to know, I'm making myself a cheese cake, just like I have every year since I was 7 (although now I make the yummy baked kind, and not the Jello kind).

meme. whowho? youyou. meme?

I am so excited because I have read about these meme things on other peoples' blogs and I just received one today. It feels a bit like Christmas. My good friend over at lucyvpelt.blogspot.com tagged me with this. I think I'm supposed to list 5 things that I'm obsessed with.

obsession: 1. Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety. 2. A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion. 3. A perfume by Calvin Klein.

1. ICE CREAM, well duh, that one isn't hard to guess. I just finished a week long love affair with Dryer's Samoa Girl Scout Cookie ice cream and it was worth every stinkin' calorie!

2. Internet. I am so ashamed of this one. I will spend disgusting amounts of time "checking" things and suddenly I will look at the clock and gasp as I run to see what my kids are doing (destroying). I am trying to be better about this and set time limits for myself. I'll turn it off just as soon as I check one more thing.... I promise.

3. Other Peoples' Stuff. I LOVE yard sales and thrift stores and bags of free stuff from other people. Most people think that it is because I'm a penny pincher (I am) but mostly it is because I love other peoples' stuff. I fantasize of inheriting an old lady's attic.

4. Old Movies. I will not rest until I have seen every black and white movie out there. I am particularly obsessed with remakes. Did you know the movie "You've Got Mail" was a remake 5 times over, and one of those was a musical? Hollywood recycles.

5. Crazy Schemes. I have a million great ideas that are bound to make me independently wealthy. I think 'em up and then I sit on my butt, eating ice cream, "checking" the Internet, wondering why I haven't been discovered and paid for all of my awesome ideas. As it was best said in Dilbert: "I'm more of an idea rat".

So, I think now I'm supposed to tag someone else with a meme. I don't know if I know anyone who hasn't done one already... hmmmm. Lets try these:

thecornwallfamily.blogspot.com
danplayerfamily.blogspot.com

Gee, I need more blogging friends. TAG, YOU'RE IT