December 1st

This is why I love blogging. If I had written my last two posts in my regular diary they would have just sat there on the page, staring back at me in total silence. I write them on my blog, however, and I have many voices commiserating with me, giving me kind advice, celebrating with me, and making me feel deliciously normal. Thanks to everyone who leaves a kind word!!!

HAPPY DECEMBER 1st: Let the jolly madness begin.

1. Super clean the living room so we can cover it in Christmas stuff.

2. Pull out the BIG box of Christmas decorations.
3. Hammer lots of holes in my walls to hang up lots of red and green things.
4. Start Christmas cards.... NOW! Go go go! Write lovely personal notes in each one till your fingers fall off.
5. Find some nonexistent free space in the home that the kids don't know about to hide all the presents in.
6. Make some silly pic on the computer that somehow involves a tortilla chip (more on that later)
7. STOP buying ANYTHING from fabric or craft stores RIGHT NOW. If I haven't made it by now it will never happen so don't waste the money.
8. Write another Christmas card. Don't forget to apologize for still not having a family photo to send this year.
9. Make and ship cinnamon rolls to Grandpa.
10. Try to find something festive to wear that will make me feel sexy and smokin' hot and that fits my big-enough-to-be-putting-on-lots-of-weight-but-not-big-enough-to-look-pregnant-body.

BUT, before I do anything today, before I allow myself to be sucked in by my own ideas of holiday must-dos, I am going here:

Many people wish for peace on earth at this time of year. I feel so blessed that I know where to find it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Poetry

I used to love writing poetry. I can't recall what made me stop. I must have let myself become too practical to have time for it? Well, today I had some fun with it again. Last Friday my DSSH told me about Yahoo answers, (if you know me then you know I love telling people how to run their lives). So, I signed up on yahoo answers so I could start bossing people around. I was having a lot of fun doing that when I noticed they had a literary section. In there I was having fun giving people my interpretations on Shakespeare, etc. From there I noticed that there was a poetry section. For laughs I quickly perused it's offerings. One guy had asked that people quickly write a poem about "secret love" off the top of their head. I decided to take his challenge to see if I still had any words in me. It was so fun that I quickly looked for others like this. Here are the end results of my foray into poetry today:

Quick poem about "Secret Love":

Thrilling and enticing, in its guilt it was discovered
The passion, like embers, can only live when covered
This raging inferno could never stand the test
So secretly it's kept where life will not molest
To bare itself is to kill itself
To ask for more is to hurt yourself
Beautiful in its lies
Expose it and it dies


Write an acrostic poem about food:

Pretty aprons
And time with grandma
No, time will not erase
Cherished moments
A life well shared
Keep love in this space.
Every time I eat one
She smiles from heaven's place


Quickly write a short poem:

Opening my hand, it is easy to do.
Wiggling my fingers, I see you can do it too.
The joints all bend, the muscles all move
With all of this it should be easy to do.
But, somehow, it takes more;
Much more than I posses,
To reach this hand of mine towards yours
And receive your offered caress.

This one isn't a poem, but a definition. Someone asked for the definition of love and I wrote:

Love is the ability and willingness to suffer


It was very fun playing with words again. I think I will do this again, hopefully at least once a week.

My Annual Knock On The Head

It happens to me every year. You would think that I'd be prepared, that I'd be ready to meet it at the door to say, "No thanks, I'm not interested" or, "You better get off my property before I SHOOT!". You might think that I'd remember the fatal outcomes, the damaged self esteem, the lost time, the neglected children. Yet, without fail, every year I put myself through the same torture, the same charade, the same silliness. What am I talking about, you ask? I'm talking about that recurring desire to DO IT ALL. And by all, I mean ALL. Yes folks, the mom who has a hard time keeping her floor swept and her laundry done was going to do it all, once again. I was not only going to continue being a full time SAHM-homeschooler, I was going to start an advice column, I was going to blog wonderful things everyday and make lots of money doing it, I was going to start a co-op, I was going to loose 15 pounds, I was going to exercise everyday and love it, I was going to find lots of ways to make money so I could buy my husband a house, I was going to write a book, I was going to write a line of homeschooling curriculum, I was going to totally landscape my yard, AND I was going to be able to all of this while sitting in my bathrobe, eating ice cream, and watching old black and white movies.

Use your imagination folks and I'm sure you can come close to the wreck I made of myself these past few months. I had moments of lucid reason, but most of the time I just sat around beating myself up for not being Wonder Woman. So, last week I decided to "HOLD EVERYTHING"! and just take it easy on myself. I took that time to re-examine the goals I had set for myself at the beginning of this year. I prayed, read my old journals, talked with my husband, talked with my kids. I had amazing epiphanies, heart felt revelations, and received all the answers I was asking for. I would call it a life changing, beautiful experience, if it weren't for the fact that I seem to go through this almost every year. How many times do I have to ask the Lord to hit me on the head to make me realize that my first priority, my first obligation, my first desire is to be a good mother and wife, to raise up a family that will please my Father in Heaven and prepare me for my eternal duties in the here-after?

Now, I am not saying that I shouldn't do more, but I should at least be performing my first duties well before I take on more (and, no, I'm not doing them well even by my standards and mine aren't all that high). So, once again I am nicely folding, stacking, and labeling all my crazy wild schemes and storing them in my "when the kids are older" closet and focusing on the tasks at hand, which are:
Homeschool well
Continue to rebuild my relationship with Cookie
Be frugal with our money (I used to be but I've been enjoying having money and I've lost that desire to "save, Save, SAVE!". I have always said that I can earn more by saving than by working in a part time job)
Keep my home in order
Exercise and be healthy AND happy

Once I feel that I am doing these jobs well (NOT perfect, just well) then I will open up that closet and pick a new task to take on. I will still blog and do my advice column (if people send in questions) but I won't do it unless all my other tasks are taken care of for the day and I happen to have some free relaxing time on my hands.

Maybe my goal for next year will be to not make too many new goals =)

Liz

From Me To You

I found this wonderful little gem on French Toast Girl's blog : http://www.frenchtoastgirl.com/weblog/blogger.shtml

So, to all you wonderful women, and men (I just don't think there are any men out there reading this thing right now) who are trying so hard to be perfect, or who are being too hard on themselves for not being perfect....