Thursday, December 6, 2007

If You Can't Say Anything Nice...

My kids are awesome. They are. I think that because I am around only them most of the time it is easy to pick out their faults and to be annoyed by any small thing they do. All it takes, though, is to be around someone else's kids for just a few minutes for me to realize how much I like my kids. And I'm sure others feel the same way about their kids after only spending 5 minutes around me and mine. Why is it so easy to complain? Whenever I catch myself complaining I feel so ashamed. I have NOTHING to complain about but yet I still do. Here is my self-psycho-analysis:

1. Complaining gives a person a feeling of valiant worth. "If things weren't so bad, I wouldn't be so amazing for dealing with them."
2. Complaining garners recognition from others. "If I make it look easy no one ever says thank you. If I complain a little then they will notice me."
3. Complaining gives a person something to talk about. We are susceptible to the journalistic theory that if it isn't awful no one will be interested. So, if we don't have anything interesting to talk about we can complain and start a sympathy conversation.
4. Complaining is a cover for laziness. "I was so lazy and now the house is a mess. I'd better start complaining so that my husband will think that it isn't because I'm lazy, but because my job is so hard." I hate when I do this because, basically, it is lying.

Here is how I'm trying to fight the complaining monster in my life.

1. I remember hearing on public radio that the best musicians are the ones who can make difficult pieces look easy. So, the best mother/wife/woman should make it look easy.
2. If no one ever says thank you then I should tell them that I would like to hear them say thank you. Sometimes people feel gratitude and just forget to express it.
3. If I don't have anything to talk about then I need to start doing something in my life worth talking about. Read a book, watch a movie, meet a new person, learn something new.
4. The only way to stop a lie is tell the truth as soon as you open your mouth. If I've been lazy I now tell my husband as soon as he walks through the door. I should never make my kids look bad, or my life look unpleasant, just because I wanted to take a day off. People will understand.

I really do have an awesome life and it only makes me look bad when I am foolish enough to complain about my blessings.


mom huebert said...

Great thoughts. I find myself captured by the idea that the great musicians make it look easy. Of course that's true (as in, to myself, Duh!). That's what I aim for when I play violin. I never thought of it in terms of my homemaking skills. Hmm. and Hmmm, again.

Jen said...

This is a really great post! (I have some people I'd like to email it to...)

"Ah the picayune headache-since a headache must be endured, let it be so bad that only the sufferer can endure it."

I'll take my kids goobery behavior in a second over anyone else's!

Oh, and I'm sorry to see in your sidebar that you have an ice cream aversion! I had that with my most recent pregnancy too, and it was horribly sad. *hugs*

Family Adventure said...

There's a lot of wisdom in this post. Much for me to take note of.

Thank you!


Misty said...

Yet, my dear, we ALL do it, so please don't feel badly. You are a wonderful woman, and it is inspiring to me to hear how you value change in your own life because it helps me to be a better person in my own.

And, speaking of complaining... did you catch my last post.

**rolling around laughing.......**

Cellista said...

Some great, great thoughts here! I've been thinking about things you've said all morning, and I too am guilty of this at times. I like what you said about the best musicians, as I am one, well a musician anyway :)

There is a process there though, I can guarantee you that the best musicians still practice. I like to share my process, but I hope I don't come across as too complaining. I am so grateful for my talents.

I think there's a very fine line between complaining and being honest sometimes. At the same time, some people come across as too perfect all the time and that turns me off just as much as complaining does.
I like to read about and know people that are honest and real, so thank you for sharing your thoughts!

Jenny said...

Hah! I TOLD you you need to start a blog about "Creating your Own Sunshine." Comments like this could seriously help a lot of people who struggle with depression, but whose therapists neglect introspective healing--like this stuff! Good job!

Sea Star said...

This is a great post. It is something to think about and remind myself of. I really shouldn't complain about anything. I really do have a wonderful life. Complaining really doesn't solve anything and doesn't make me feel any better really. Being honest with yourself and others is always the best policy.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Hang in there about the Ice Cream too. The craving will come back. Pregnancy only seems to last forever.

An Ordinary Mom said...

Why are you making me feel guilty for the complaining I do :) ?!?

By the way, have you been to the doctor yet ... do you know when you are due?

Mountain Dweller said...

This was a thought provoking post! I must admit that I have been guilty of "the house in the mess" complaint several times. I must try and improve on that!

YETTE said...

this is very insightful. really appreciate this post.

by the way, when are you due? hope you could eat some ice cream soon...

take care!

Sonja said...

You hit the nail on the head. I agree with all the comments that have been made and especially Cellista's. (Am I lame for mooching off someone else's comments? --well, it's Cellista and she's amazing.)

I apprieciate your honesty so much and think you're pretty wonderful. So there.