Monday, March 24, 2008

Kids Say The Darndest Things

Sweet Terror runs up to me without a diaper and asks to go poopoo on the toilet. (in case you didn't know I have started potty training twice and have given up twice). Excited I said, "Ok, lets go poopoo on the potty." Refusing to go back to the little potty I sit her on the big toilet and squat down in front of her to make sure she doesn't fall in (that bum is so tiny and that toilet is so huge). She sits and starts talking in her hard to understand but adorable mumblish,

"Anagonnaplash" (The poop will make the toilet water splash)

Fffftht (passing gas)

"Hee hee hee, dats noisy anagonnacome out gonnaplash"


"Aha! Hee hee"

Ffftht ftht ff ftht

"Wasat? (grunt) inapoopoo hee hee"

Fffffftht ftht tht tht ft

Now I know parents are not supposed to laugh when their children pass gas, and I didn't, for the first several toots anyway, but come on. I am only human, and a naked cherub tooting right in front of me is just too much for even my rock solid mommy values. I was laughing so hard I had to get up and leave, and as I left she was still making noise. Luckily, as soon as the audience was gone she actually dropped the load. YAY! There is hope yet.

Monster Man, with funny bed head and those big just-woke-up eyes, standing in front of the open fridge at 8am, clutching a package of rarely bought hotdogs to his chest.

"Mom, can we have hotdogs for breakfast?"

"No, honey. But we can have them with lunch today."

"And can we go camping with Drew for lunch today?"

"No, we can't go camping for lunch today." That shows how often we buy hotdogs around here.

Pablo comes home from school the other day and I ask him, while feigning casual curiosity instead of the serious worry I feel, "Hey, Big Guy, how was your day today?"

"Mom, it was the BEST day ever. You were right, I LOVE school! Today was much better than yesterday."

"That is great. So, what made it so great?"

"I got two cupcakes in class today because it was a birthday for twins in my class. But yesterday only one kid had a birthday so I only got one cupcake."

I guess if ice cream can make my day better then cupcakes can do it for Pablo.

Cookie and I were having a serious discussion (ok, it started as a lecture but then I turned it into a discussion) on name calling, being kind, and choosing the right even when at school where mommy can't see you. She started crying and said, "I feel so bad about something else, mom. Sometimes kids say that you... that you..."

"What honey?"

"It's so awful, I can't say it."

"Honey, there really isn't much the kids at your school can say about me that would upset me. Were they talking about my messy hair, our ugly car, or how many kids I have?" (I was thinking up all the things a kid could say about me having only seen me for possibly 2 minutes as I drop her off at school)

"I just can't. It is so bad."

"Honey, just tell me."

"They say things like, 'Your mom is so fat that... that...' well, then they say really bad things."

I started laughing and she looked at me like I had gone crazy. I said, "Do they say things like..." and then I listed some of these. She started crying even harder and nodded her head. Then I had to switch the conversation to the intricacies of Yo Mamma jokes, when they are ok and when they aren't, and that I was most certainly not going to get offended by little punk kids, who've never even seen me, saying I was so fat that they used my belly button as a swimming pool. She was so relieved. Poor girl, here she thought the kids at school really thought I was that fat. =)


just jamie said...

First of all, you must be seriously excited about this potty business. I've never read a fart-sound so accurately before.

And, as the mother of twins ... what? I have to bring TWICE the cupcakes for every child? Ah, no!

Jen said...

Awww! What a sweet heart! (about the yo momma jokes.)

Karen S. said...

I used potty training rewards. The audio and chocolate treats were powerful incentives to fully potty train our son. He loved pushing the button hearing he is a Big Boy. He was peeing and pooping in his potty within a week. I know every child is different, but have a look and see if this would work for you.

Erika said...

I love how worried she was about you & the Yo Mamma jokes. What a sweetheart.

An Ordinary Mom said...

I am still chuckling at the yo mamma jokes. One of my favorites was, "Yo mamma's armpits are so hairy it looks like she has the Jackson Five in a headlock :) !!"

Cocoa said...

We tell Yo Momma jokes quite often around here. They seem particularly funny because I was raised in the south and heard these at school and real fights were started over them!

"Nicole! What'd you say about my momma?" That one was a particularly nasty fight. I remember it well because it happened right in front of me with a fist flying inches past my nose. Ahhh, the memories.

Richelle said...

Such cute stories!

Charlotte said...

Poor sweet Cookie! I have yet to encounter that aspect of school. Although my oldest boy (in Kindy) came home the other day to say "We HAVE to get the new Hannah Montana!!" After I snorted milk out my nose, I asked him if he even knew who that was. He just shrugged and said the bus driver plays it. Thank you, bus driver. Although I guess it could be worse.

Mrs. Annie said...

Potty training! grumble, grumble, snicker...I suppose we'll miss it...some day.

We homeschooled, so missed the yo mama jokes. Except for the ones I made up myself! :P

Sea Star said...

Each story had my laughing! I am wiping the tears out of my eyes this very moment.

Misty said...

Still laughing in Utah.....

Packer Family said...

So sweet! I loved every story but I have to say that the Yo mama story was so sweet!

Family Adventure said...

These are great little anecdotes. I was laughing entirely too much at the potty business :)


Motherhood for Dummies said...

It was cute how worried she was. Seems like you have a little sweetheart on your hands!

kay said...

that is so funny!! she was upset b/c her momma was fat. love it!

have you tried the new B&J flavors? we had the ONE chocolate cheesecake brownie, cake batter and imagine whorled peace. i still prefer banana split

thanks for the kind words while i was down in the dumps!!

Amy Y said...

My favorite was the Yo Mama one :) Hee hee ~ poor kid ~ but what a sweetie she is being empathetic for you!!

Sonja said...

Cupcakes me happy to. So does reading your blog! I agree with just jamie, I have never read a toot written so accurately!

Michal said...

i was moved to tears by your stories! hilarious. and you told the potty story with such great detail! it's as if i were there with you, laughing at your daughter on the enormous toilet.

Becks said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

Childlife said...

Such sweet conversations with your kiddos! I love the gentle, thoughtful way that you parent :)

Cheri said...

I don't know where to begin, it's all so precious.