Kids Say The Darndest Things

Sweet Terror runs up to me without a diaper and asks to go poopoo on the toilet. (in case you didn't know I have started potty training twice and have given up twice). Excited I said, "Ok, lets go poopoo on the potty." Refusing to go back to the little potty I sit her on the big toilet and squat down in front of her to make sure she doesn't fall in (that bum is so tiny and that toilet is so huge). She sits and starts talking in her hard to understand but adorable mumblish,

"Anagonnaplash" (The poop will make the toilet water splash)

Fffftht (passing gas)

"Hee hee hee, dats noisy anagonnacome out gonnaplash"

Fffftht

"Aha! Hee hee"

Ffftht ftht ff ftht

"Wasat? (grunt) inapoopoo hee hee"

Fffffftht ftht tht tht ft

Now I know parents are not supposed to laugh when their children pass gas, and I didn't, for the first several toots anyway, but come on. I am only human, and a naked cherub tooting right in front of me is just too much for even my rock solid mommy values. I was laughing so hard I had to get up and leave, and as I left she was still making noise. Luckily, as soon as the audience was gone she actually dropped the load. YAY! There is hope yet.

Monster Man, with funny bed head and those big just-woke-up eyes, standing in front of the open fridge at 8am, clutching a package of rarely bought hotdogs to his chest.

"Mom, can we have hotdogs for breakfast?"

"No, honey. But we can have them with lunch today."

"And can we go camping with Drew for lunch today?"

"No, we can't go camping for lunch today." That shows how often we buy hotdogs around here.



Pablo comes home from school the other day and I ask him, while feigning casual curiosity instead of the serious worry I feel, "Hey, Big Guy, how was your day today?"

"Mom, it was the BEST day ever. You were right, I LOVE school! Today was much better than yesterday."

"That is great. So, what made it so great?"

"I got two cupcakes in class today because it was a birthday for twins in my class. But yesterday only one kid had a birthday so I only got one cupcake."

I guess if ice cream can make my day better then cupcakes can do it for Pablo.

Cookie and I were having a serious discussion (ok, it started as a lecture but then I turned it into a discussion) on name calling, being kind, and choosing the right even when at school where mommy can't see you. She started crying and said, "I feel so bad about something else, mom. Sometimes kids say that you... that you..."

"What honey?"

"It's so awful, I can't say it."

"Honey, there really isn't much the kids at your school can say about me that would upset me. Were they talking about my messy hair, our ugly car, or how many kids I have?" (I was thinking up all the things a kid could say about me having only seen me for possibly 2 minutes as I drop her off at school)

"I just can't. It is so bad."

"Honey, just tell me."

"They say things like, 'Your mom is so fat that... that...' well, then they say really bad things."

I started laughing and she looked at me like I had gone crazy. I said, "Do they say things like..." and then I listed some of these. She started crying even harder and nodded her head. Then I had to switch the conversation to the intricacies of Yo Mamma jokes, when they are ok and when they aren't, and that I was most certainly not going to get offended by little punk kids, who've never even seen me, saying I was so fat that they used my belly button as a swimming pool. She was so relieved. Poor girl, here she thought the kids at school really thought I was that fat. =)