Sunday, March 15, 2009

Hello? Is thing thing on?

Uhm, hello, uh, fellow blogospherians. I'd like to introduce myself, my name is, well, I guess it's Mr. Hotness, but, well, let's be honest, that's not how I usually introduce myself. I doubt it'd go too well in a business lunch or job interview. I don't think it's even true, it's just one of those super nice things a loving wife says about her husband even though pretty much no one anywhere believes it.




Yeah, it's me, the husband, the oft-mentioned hubby of . . . of . . . . well, what does she call herself here? Oh, I'll just call her a made up name, like Liz. Yeah, so Liz, as you may as well know, has gone on a trip to Pennsylvania to visit a long-lost friend of her for five whole days. I was, uhm, blessed, with the opportunity of taking care of all five of our kids, by myself, for the entire time.

I asked Liz if I could write a post in her blog while she was gone, sort of like a "guest columnist" or one of those expert talking heads on CNN or something. She said I could, but then I started thinking about the audience. I'm assuming that most readers of MICD are a lot like Liz--beautiful, sophisticated, sexy, intelligent, spiritual, engaging, etc. What do I really have to say to such an audience that would be meaningful? The things I like are probably not exactly "top of mind" for such people. Does anyone here really care about stochastic calculus? Mortgage-backed securities? Interest rate risk management? When I threatened that I would write about those things, Liz just said "you do whatever you want!" which is a wife-euphemism for "it's your funeral!"

I'm actually completely new to this whole blogging thing. People have asked me if I have a blog, and I usually say, "would you read it if I did?" After a few stunned, awkward seconds they stumble out something like "uh, well, uhh, of COURSE I would!!!!" Uh-huh, sure, right. They already know the kind of things I'm interested in and would write about.


But, here goes anyway. As we near the end of, what did I call it? Oh yeah, blessed occasion, I thought I'd give you, her devoted supporters and virtual friends a little glimpse into the life of what life looks like when you let the dad take care of things for nearly a whole week by himself:





Day 1





Yes, that pic's for real. That's the view from my front porch the very first day Liz left for PA. She had been gone for nary a day when some guy drove a 1971 Chevy pickup truck in front of my house in flames. He partially blocked my van (unseen on right) so I couldn't even have moved it, assuming I had 1. thought of moving my van out of harm's way and 2. wasn't holding a baby. By the time the fire department showed up the truck was pretty much a fireball. The firemen were great, though, they gave it a blast with a high pressure hose and steam, debris, and shattered glass blew everywhere, all over my van, and all the way up to my front porch. After the smoke cleared and the water drained away, all that was left was a blackened shell of what resembled a pickup truck. Fortunately, the driver, my van, fence, and everyone else were unscathed.

OK, so I won't bother really going on a day-by-day basis, because I believe that day 1 pretty much sums things up so well. I usually am not one to believe in omens or anything, but a flaming truck in your front yard? C'mon! That HAS to mean something!! Mothers, DON'T leave your husband at home alone with all the kids for five days! You've been warned!

18 comments:

Cynthia said...

It looks like you've got this blogging thing figured out already! But based on what you've said, Liz may stay home for a long long time once she gets back!

Lisa said...

i was just impressed that you got the kids to church on time and they were all dressed. you're good.

PJMcD said...

You're totally Mr Hotness, and I can whip the man or woman for that matter who sez it ain't so. I mean I love ya and have looked up to you ever since I met you, and that's not just because you lived upstairs from me. You're totally my hero. The entire Bance clan is NUMERO UNO in my book.In days gone by I'd look after you when yer DW was out of town with the kidz. I'll try to look in on you soon to make sure Gabey hasn't tied you up in the basement. You got my # my brother, so if you wiggle free, give me a call and I'll be right over with a fire extinguisher.

Awesome Mom said...

Dang that is a pretty exciting first day. I wonder what would happen if I left my husband alone with the kids for five days... hmm.. something to ponder.

My Ice Cream Diary said...

You are hot!!!

Thank you for making this trip possible and for being so wonderful. I love you and I'll be home soon.

Stephanie said...

I, too, was impressed when I saw you with the kids yesterday. Sat right in front of us, and everyone was well behaved and looking good. Although I did here your oldest whisper to your youngest daughter, "Hush, don't worry. Mommy will be back soon." lol

LaDonnaMobile said...

okay, that was SO funny! You really need to start up a Mr. Hotness blog, because your writing style rocks and you have a gift for writing metaphors (exploding engines as analogous to Mr. Mom status--that one was right on!)

Liz should go out of town more often! :)

Jennifer said...

That is a wild first day. Holy moly. I bet she'll never leave you again. :)Good luck.

Michal said...

i can't get over the photo. what a crazy way to start the weekend. here's hoping that nothing else blows up before liz gets home.

Amber M. said...

HOLY crap. I can't get over that picture!!

Childlife said...

HA! You don't scare ME, Mr. Hotness! I'd like to see a flaming pickup truck try to come between me and a five-day getaway! ;) Fly, Liz, fly! Be free!

(You two are totally hilarious, you know that, don't you?)

~Michelle @ In The Life of a Child

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

With all due respect, good sir, I LOVE it when stuff like flaming trucks happens while I'm away. I feel a great sense of understanding because then my husband "gets it." There's nothing more maddening than being gone for several days than to come home and find out that nothing went wrong and he did everything better than I could have myself. Admirable, yes. Worthy of praise, yes. But maddening!

Good for you for sponsoring this getaway for her.

An Ordinary Mom said...

Welcome to the blogging world ... even if it is just a single guest post ... for now :) !!

Donya said...

Mr. Hotness you ROCK! You seem to be handling things so well, I'm sure Liz will feel extra confident leaving the children in your care for future vacations!

Becky said...

WOW, you got more comments than your wife does, ha ha, can she come visit me next?

Magirk said...

I'm no expert either, but I thought that was a really good post. :-)

Good job, Mr. Hotness! (can I call you that? I mean, I know that's how 'Liz' refers to you, but I've never had to say it myself, and now it just sounds weird after I heard myself say it....)

Anyway!

I'm sure you're doing a fabulous job, and I'm sure 'Liz' will be so grateful and love you forever! Not that she wouldn't before, but... YOU KNOW!

Glad everyone's okay, what with that burning truck n' all. ;-)

And I hope 'Liz' makes it home safe and sound.

dotmother said...

Way to go Poo...opps, I mean "Mr. Hotness" (bwaahhahahahaha)
You're an awesome husband and father! I wish all husbands would be this caring!

Wild Squirrel said...

Wow. And I thought this was bad. I think a flaming, shrapnel- spewing truck takes the cake. I mean, the ice cream. :)