Dear Messy House,
Would you please SHUT UP!!!! I know you are messy, I know you need to be cleaned. There is no reason to spread jelly on my foot or hide dirty diapers under my bed. Enough already! I know the laundry needs to be rotated but your mildewy smell won't give me an extra hour every day to get to it. Yes, the counters need to be wiped, but getting butter on my son's homework isn't the polite way to get my attention. And is it too much for me to ask that you not tip over my piles of paper? I will eventually go through them, and you are just making it worse with your temper tantrums. If you really want me to clean you then I suggest you break my TV, disconnect my internet, drain all my phone batteries, lock my toddler in a closet, and burn all my books.